The past two weeks.....

What do you do when you love your job but hate the city you live in? Sure, I work for a large company that has several locations across the country so transferring isn't really a problem. But what happens when you become attached to the people you work with? Not romantically and it's still a little too early to call them friends, but nonetheless a kind of bond has been formed. If I leave, I'll leave behind this enchanting show and the cast of people who work it. I loved the show from the first time I saw it, but now that I've worked with the people and gotten to know them a little bit, even if the other locations have the same show, it won't be the same. The chemistry among the performers will be different, they will be different people with different names and different personalities. I've already established a working relationship with them and I can tell that a few of the performers really like me and know that will do my best to cater to their needs.
So what do I do? Do I leave this city and transfer someplace a little closer to home after my contract and lease end six months from now? Or do I stick to my original plan of living here for a couple of years and seeing where I go from there? It seems silly to stay in an environment that I hate just for a group of people and a show, but that's how much I love them. I don't know if they see how much I care but I tell them that I really do love the show. Just going there makes me forget about how lonely I am sometimes. If I'm having a bad day, all I need to do is walk by the birds that are used in the show and instantly I feel better. It's really hard to feel sad when as I am walking by a bird goes "ooOOOooo". Yes, I feel flattered when a bird compliments me.
Besides the show, I do enjoy most of the tasks and requirements of my job. Again, it's not the most glamorous job in the world, but it's the first step of my career. Do I feel like my bosses hate me? Yes, I do. But I keep on doing what I need to do because what else can I do?
I don't know what happened, but the past couple of weeks have been downright miserable. Maybe I was just picking up on everybody's stress and internalizing it. Or maybe I said something that offended someone and no one had the decency to tell me about it and gave me the high school silent/alienation treatment. Or maybe it was all in my head and I only imagined that no one was talking to me. I remained almost dead silent for two weeks. The only things I said were "What do you want me to do next?" and other such comments pertaining to work. But I didn't converse socially. Even at lunch I remained pretty quiet too. Was I in the doghouse for something? I just felt so isolated. I'd go home and fall asleep. I wasn't eating because I didn't have an appetite. I kept telling myself "Just get through this day". Then my supervisor tells me that my boss was saying that a number of people were not working fast enough and not being productive enough and that I wasn't the only one, but my name came up a lot. What the hell? I was constantly asking for things to do and I was the one that was sent to run around, and I was the one that was sent to find things; what more could I possibly do? I was on my way to lunch when she told me that. When I got to the cafeteria, I got a little bit of some kind of macaroni salad and went to a place where I was almost certain to be alone and I cried. What more could I do? I was doing everything in my power to stay out of trouble, be a good employee, and earn at the very least a decent recommendation. All that was quickly blowing up in my face. Of course they weren't specific as to what I was or wasn't doing so I accepted it and continued working. When I went back to work, I held my composure enough to ask for my next task. What could I do?

You would hope at some point in time  all the high school drama and bullshit would end. That people would grow up and simply talk to each other when there was a disagreement and rationally come to a conclusion. I'm beginning to understand that will probably never happen. I don't know what happened, but from one day to the next everything returned to normal. Maybe it was high stress levels. I did wear my evil eye bracelet to work a couple of times and MadDogBV did order an evil eye pendant for me. I swear, the day I wore that bracelet, everything returned to normal. Maybe somebody really was giving me the evil eye.
But now that I get to work with my beloved show for the next week, and I got to see it 3 times in 3 days last week, I know nothing can hurt me.

This Sucks........A Top Ten List

Ok, so I really, like my job and I've met some really awesome people but I"m not warming up to this city at all. Here is a list of all the things that suck.
1) the grocery store sucks. They have 2 brands, theirs and their cheaper version and maybe like 3 national brands in addition so it's more like a command economy in there.
2) the water sucks. This is a hard water region and it's royally fucking up my hair. See my previous blogpost to understand how I feel about my hair.
3) the infrastructure sucks. I ride my bike 6 1/2 miles one way to go to work (go me) and there are places where there is no sidewalk. I'm talking about roads going through residential areas. They don't have sidewalks. What? Is the city too busy being self obsessed that they can't pay for sidewalks or something?
4) The bus system sucks. There are buses that stop running at 8 at night. What? Don't people work late sometimes? This is part of the reason why I started riding my bike.
5) Every place you need to get to requires highway driving. But it's not just highway driving, there's like 3 levels of highway and the exits are not super well marked. You really have to know where you're going in order to get anywhere.
6) The streets make no fucking sense. How is it possible that you're at an intersection and the road in front of you is called one thing to the left and another thing to the right? Then there are streets that have the same damn name but don't connect. You think to yourself "Oh I can get to my friend's house if I just stay on this one street." Nope. They just don't connect. Back home, the part of the city that was designed by a woman is on a grid. Granted, I forget how the grid works i.e. which streets go in which direction, but there's a grid and if you're a little more directional literate than myself, you can figure it out and go on about your merry way.
7) The weather.....be prepared for anything! Rain, shine, heat, or cold. It can all happen in one day.
8) The food sucks. There is not a heck of a lot of variety and everything, absolutely everything is fried. They have something called a "chicken fried steak". It's a breaded and fried burger. Let's not forget fried oreos and fried pickles and fried jalapenos.
9) The radio stations suck- Now I like country, but there are just one too many country stations. You have an oldies station that plays the same 100 songs day after day and they are played at more or less the same time every day. Then you have some top 40, a couple rock stations, one hard-to-find 'adult' station that plays 1940's/1940's style music. That's the one good station, actually.
10) Everything is closed on Sundays! How can a mall close at 6 pm on a Sunday. I mean, don't people work on the weekdays? What are you supposed to do for fun on the weekends? When do people run errands and do what they need to do?
I've heard from a lot of people who have lived here all their lives that this is a great place to live. When I ask them what makes it so great they give me some vague answer about local pride and how it's something you're born with. I guess this city just doesn't feel like home. My apartment feels like home, but I guess since I don't have a car, I can't really explore the city. However, one of my coworkers whom I've gotten close to over the past 3 months says this city is too calm for me She might be right. I want to like where I'm living and I've been trying to give it a chance, but so far nothing.

The Early Formation of an Alternate Universe

So I had firmly decided that I wasn't going to date or hook-up with anybody for a while because I needed to focus on myself, my career, get my life in order, make new friends, etc. I know that the only reason I would want a boyfriend right now would be to stave off loneliness and it would be a quick and easy way to have someone to go out with. Then what? I build my entire life around this one person because I don't have anybody else and when it goes south I'm screwed. No, I don't want that. I want a network of friends, acquaintances, going out friends, staying in friends, gossip friends, etc, etc, etc. Then, once I got my life settled and was at a point where I felt like I could share my life with someone other than myself, then I'd think about dating. But then, of course, LIFE HAPPENED!
No, I'm not dating anyone at the moment, nor can I honestly say that what happened was enough to deter me from my plan, but it got me thinking about the plan. Do I want to be single for that long? Wouldn't I want to flirt with someone; maybe even go out with someone, even if it was for just one date? It's not a marriage proposal, nor is it even a long term commitment, or a promise of a future. It's just a date. A date that is not set in stone, a date that has a lot of "ifs" and "maybes" attached to it. A date that is contingent on the stars aligning in just the right way. A way that is so infinitesimally specific that it seems almost certain to fail.
And yet, I still want it.

New Incarnation

As has been my custom, every time there is a major change in my life, I change the blog title. This time I have chosen "Brave New Girl". It was inspired by the Britney Spears song "Brave Girl" off of the "In The Zone" album. If you listen to the words, it sounds like it's just a girl going out looking for a hook up because she has been suppressing herself for a long time and she's finally breaking free. As opposed to taking the song literally, I'm taking a larger interpretation of the song; I'm starting my life in the real world and I'm making my own way. It's going to be rough, I only know a handful of people, and I'm not exactly making beaucoup money, but I can proudly say that I'm paying for my own apartment, my furniture will be mine, I'm paying my own bills and my own expenses and I'm doing my best to not rely on my family financially or to solve my problems. I'm young, I still have dreams and ambitions and I'm pursuing them. I'm looking forward to the challenges; I've been living on my own for a month now and the time has really flown. I've settled into a quiet, simple existence that focuses on myself and my needs. I'm taking care of me which is something I haven't taken the time to do in a long time. For a number of years now, I've been jumping from relationship to relationship but always losing myself in the process. I have this really bad habit of ceasing to do the things I enjoy because I'm with someone. I stop going out with friends, I give up my hobbies, and I center my whole life around whoever I'm with. That's not a good thing and I realize that. That's why I need to take this time for myself and not get involved with anyone even though the temptation is there because I am in a new place where I don't know a lot of people.
People might ask if it's scary to pick up and move a thousand miles away from home for a job, to not know anyone, and to live alone. I don't think it's scary. I think it's exciting, it's refreshing, and it's all what you make of it. I could make it miserable for myself, but I'm not going to do that. I look forward to meeting new people and I love the challenge of getting to know a new city.
Here's a brief song list to go along with this new chapter.

1) Find My Way- Legally Blonde OST
2) Firework- Katy Perry
3) Brave Girl- Britney Spears
4)  My Way- Frank Sinatra
5) Living on a Prayer- Bon Jovi
6) It's My Life- Bon Jovi
7) Fearless- Taylor Swift
8) Across the Universe- The Beatles
9) Don't Rain On My Parade- Funny Girl OST
10) Rose's Turn- Gypsy OST
11) Starting Over- John Lennon
12) Feeling Good- Nina Simon/ Michael Buble/ Muse
13) As We Stuble Along- The Drowsy Chaperone OST
14) Don't Stop Believing- Journey
15) What You Want- Evanescence

A New Start

Hey everybody, I am now moved in to my new apartment and have been working at my new job for about a week and a half now. I now live 1,300 miles away from home and I love it. I love having my own four walls that I'm paying for. I live under my rules and I don't have to listen to anyone telling me what to do.
It wasn't that easy to move though. I had to pack up my stuff and leave home. That wasn't so bad. I've packed up my stuff for four years when I went to college. Emotionally, it felt the same; after all, my work contract is only valid for the next ten months. I still haven't quite figured out what the next step is, but it will come in time. The drive was long and boring though. Through four states, the scenery was the same. We did, however, stop in one of my favorite vacation spots for lunch. Little did I know then that sitting on my ass for basically 10 hours for two days was going to be the easy part. I spent the majority of the time texting my friends, talking to my mom who was helping me move, and flipping through the radio stations to find the R&B stations for my mom. She was the driver so she controlled the radio. Of course we stopped and took all the mandatory state line pictures.
So we get to my new home town and we are driving in circles...literally. The city has two major highways that circle the city with a bunch of  crooked semi spokes which are other highways. I learned that I do not like circles! As we're trying to navigate the city in order to find used furniture shops, running errands to get me settled in, etc. I swear to you I could never remember if I saw a store coming in one direction or going back in the other or really where I had seen it.
One day as we are driving all around town, we were robbed. My laptop, with all my pictures, my webcam, the letters from my boyfriend and my mom's camera and camcorder were stolen. We checked the hotel, praying that we had left the stuff in the room, we went back to the places we had been to the day before to no avail. We weren't even sure when we had been robbed. It had to be somewhere we had spent a long time in. The next day, as we're moving into my apartment, we realize the extent of the robbery. My CDs, a box with my towels, blankets, and a pillow, a duffel bag with my fuzzy bathrobe, my brand new Converse, and my favorite hoodie had also been stolen. I was kind of able to deal with the laptop being stolen because I had burned all the vacation pictures on to CDs and those were safely at home. It was the theft of my CDs that really made me break down and cry. It felt like all the things that identified me had been stolen. It felt like a violation. I'm just thankful my digital camera and phone had been in my purse.
I know these are material things that can easily be replaces, but they are my things. Things I had emotional attachment to. Most of my CDs were gifts from friends, families, ex lovers. My music probably tells you more about me than any 5 page essay about me could. All the things that were stolen had memories attached to them, some tangible, some not. My kitchen utensils don't have nearly as much personality and my imprint as my laptop or even my blankets. Sorry to be crude, but do you know how many times  my ex and I had sex on the blankets that were in one of the boxes? On top of that, my aunt made them for me for Christmas. Yes, it's just two pieces of fleece knotted together, but she took the time to make them for me.
After that, I seriously doubted my decision to move. And then doing the numbers for my budget scared me. I would have just enough to pay off all my living expenses and put some money into savings but not a whole lot to play with. As in, money to go out, eat dinner out, or allow myself an impulse buy.
I know I made these choices. I chose to go into the entertainment industry. Actually a friend of mine is impressed this has panned out for me. I did feel that I had used up all my karma points to get this job. Of course something bad had to happen.
Sam did send me Casablanca, Abbey Road, and Animals and my uncle bought me a new laptop. In general, I do feel like my life is  balancing out and getting on a more even keel. In another post, I'll tell you more about my job.
Until then, stay well dear Readers.
Love,
Maverick

New Top 7 Underrated and Underappreciated

1) Streetlights by Ludo- I LOVE Ludo. I know that I already have a post about them, but they really are worth checking out. If I had to pick one song as my favorite, I would have to pick this one. It's a mostly acoustic song with an "stereotypical Italian" style guitar in the instrumental parts. The lyrics are not the typical Ludo lyrics with a peppering of nerdy references; it's a more straightforward romantic song. It does tell a little story like many other Ludo songs. It's about the moment before you confess your love to someone. There's the nervousness, the anticipation, the giddiness, the purity of the moment. The words create very vivid images that create a little movie in my head. I can see two youths standing on the sidewalk beneath a streetlight in the early summer dusk.

2) Michael Buble- I know I didn't list a song. Just about anything by this man is sexy, baby-making music. He has that Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick Jr sound. A little jazzy, a little bluesy, with a generous helping of swing. He does a lot of the standard songs like "Feeling Good", "Fly Me to the Moon", "Georgia on my Mind" and "Me and Mrs. Jones". He also has originals which he writes for his girlfriends. "Home", "Lost", "Haven't Met You Yet" are such examples. He has a sexy voice that goes well with the body it's in. He is gorgeous. He has a classic look with a modern flair. No piercings, no bad haircuts, no guyliner either. He's my new husband, he just doesn't know it yet because he hasn't met me yet. <3

3) Over the Hills and Far Away by Nightwish- They are known as a symphonic metal band. I prefer Tarja to Anette even though Tarja is a diva. This song tells a story reminiscent of The Count of Monte Cristo and it is similar to a traditional English. song dating back to the 1700's. You can hear that influence in the music. However, this is a cover of Gary Moore. I've never heard the Gary Moore version so I don't know how they compare. Check it out and let me know.

4) Symphony by Sarah Brightman- She originated the role of Christine Daae. Do not tell me anyone is better than her because that role was written specifically for her. It's no wonder either because with a voice like the one she has...it's like an angel. Her voice glides over the notes and resonates leaving you mystified as opposed to sad, because the lyrics are sad. It sounds like a song an ice skater would use in her program.

6) Memories by Within Temptation- A band I have recently been introduced to from the Netherlands. They are classified as symphonic metal, gothic metal, and symphonic rock. If you like Evanescence but want something more alternative, something a little bit fresher and not as played out, you will probably like this band. Sharon den Adel's voice is more operatic and more in the soprano range, somewhere between Amy Lee and Sarah Brightman. 'Memories' is one of those songs who words pierce your soul especially when you use your memories to keep someone who's gone close by.

7) Somebody that I used to Know (Look up "Six Hands One Guitar")- Actually, I saw this version before I heard the one by Goyte and I still like it better. As an unrelated side note, Goyte in that video looks like this friend of mine, but when I've looked up other pictures of him, the similarity fades away. Back on topic, I don't know how a group of people decide one day "hey let's all six of us play a song on one guitar" but it's hypnotizing to watch because they all know their parts and play as one.

BIG NEWS!!!!

I got a job!!!!!! A month after graduation, I am now officially employed. I'm going to be moving a thousand miles away from home to work at a major entertainment company. After I finish writing this post, I'm going to look into the apartments my realtor found for me. I'm really excited but at the same time really nervous. Obviously, it's a natural reaction. I've never really lived on my own and I've never had to pay my own bills. I'm really an adult now. There are so many things that I need to figure out: where I'm going to live, what I'm going to take with me (I'm going to try really really hard and take only the essentials), I need to make a budget, figure out how I'm going to get around, and so many other things that I can't even think of right now. 
If anybody has any moving tips, major life change advice, please leave a comment and share it. I'll continue to chronicle my journey and hope you guys continue supporting me and helping me. I hope you guys are finding support, help, and a place to turn to in this blog.
Love you guys!
Maverick

Soundtrack:
Walk A Thousand Miles- Vanessa Carlton
500 Miles- The Proclaimers