The Early Formation of an Alternate Universe

So I had firmly decided that I wasn't going to date or hook-up with anybody for a while because I needed to focus on myself, my career, get my life in order, make new friends, etc. I know that the only reason I would want a boyfriend right now would be to stave off loneliness and it would be a quick and easy way to have someone to go out with. Then what? I build my entire life around this one person because I don't have anybody else and when it goes south I'm screwed. No, I don't want that. I want a network of friends, acquaintances, going out friends, staying in friends, gossip friends, etc, etc, etc. Then, once I got my life settled and was at a point where I felt like I could share my life with someone other than myself, then I'd think about dating. But then, of course, LIFE HAPPENED!
No, I'm not dating anyone at the moment, nor can I honestly say that what happened was enough to deter me from my plan, but it got me thinking about the plan. Do I want to be single for that long? Wouldn't I want to flirt with someone; maybe even go out with someone, even if it was for just one date? It's not a marriage proposal, nor is it even a long term commitment, or a promise of a future. It's just a date. A date that is not set in stone, a date that has a lot of "ifs" and "maybes" attached to it. A date that is contingent on the stars aligning in just the right way. A way that is so infinitesimally specific that it seems almost certain to fail.
And yet, I still want it.

Alternate Universe

This past summer I worked at a large retail store. I was ususally the fitting room attendant; however this post is not to bitch about the experience because overall it was a very good experience.

This past Saturday was my last day and I was in the fitting room. This young couple walked in with a number of items each. The girl had a Gators hoodie and I asked her if she was attending UF. She said that she had already graduated. The guy had a Gators T-shirt and I asked him if he also graduated from UF. He replied that no, he had been in the Army.

I really couldn't say much else. How do you tell someone that they are living your life in an alternate universe without sounding as if you are on drugs? Sure, I could tell them my whole story, but the store is paying me to attend to people, not to tell them my life story and end up in tears by the end of it. If things had gone the way I had hoped they would go, I'd probably be living with him by now. We had been talking about getting an apartment together- I had even started looking around for a +/- $500 a month, one room place close to campus back almost 2 years ago.

One thing has changed though. Last year on my last day at KFC a guy dressed in ACUs came in and I broke down. I'm glad I've healed enough that I didn't break down this time. I did have a slight out-of-body experience and a melancholic nostalgia. Throughout the day I wondered how he was doing, where he was, and...admittingly if he still thought about me every once in a while. Some days, like today, it hurts a little more and it's easier to move me to tears.

I hope in the alternate universe that young couple is happy. I never learned their names, how long they've been together, how they met, etc. but I do wish them happiness and a life filled with love and understanding. As for me in this universe all I can do is continue moving forward with my life. Maybe someday it won't hurt as much to look back on those times...