New Incarnation

As has been my custom, every time there is a major change in my life, I change the blog title. This time I have chosen "Brave New Girl". It was inspired by the Britney Spears song "Brave Girl" off of the "In The Zone" album. If you listen to the words, it sounds like it's just a girl going out looking for a hook up because she has been suppressing herself for a long time and she's finally breaking free. As opposed to taking the song literally, I'm taking a larger interpretation of the song; I'm starting my life in the real world and I'm making my own way. It's going to be rough, I only know a handful of people, and I'm not exactly making beaucoup money, but I can proudly say that I'm paying for my own apartment, my furniture will be mine, I'm paying my own bills and my own expenses and I'm doing my best to not rely on my family financially or to solve my problems. I'm young, I still have dreams and ambitions and I'm pursuing them. I'm looking forward to the challenges; I've been living on my own for a month now and the time has really flown. I've settled into a quiet, simple existence that focuses on myself and my needs. I'm taking care of me which is something I haven't taken the time to do in a long time. For a number of years now, I've been jumping from relationship to relationship but always losing myself in the process. I have this really bad habit of ceasing to do the things I enjoy because I'm with someone. I stop going out with friends, I give up my hobbies, and I center my whole life around whoever I'm with. That's not a good thing and I realize that. That's why I need to take this time for myself and not get involved with anyone even though the temptation is there because I am in a new place where I don't know a lot of people.
People might ask if it's scary to pick up and move a thousand miles away from home for a job, to not know anyone, and to live alone. I don't think it's scary. I think it's exciting, it's refreshing, and it's all what you make of it. I could make it miserable for myself, but I'm not going to do that. I look forward to meeting new people and I love the challenge of getting to know a new city.
Here's a brief song list to go along with this new chapter.

1) Find My Way- Legally Blonde OST
2) Firework- Katy Perry
3) Brave Girl- Britney Spears
4)  My Way- Frank Sinatra
5) Living on a Prayer- Bon Jovi
6) It's My Life- Bon Jovi
7) Fearless- Taylor Swift
8) Across the Universe- The Beatles
9) Don't Rain On My Parade- Funny Girl OST
10) Rose's Turn- Gypsy OST
11) Starting Over- John Lennon
12) Feeling Good- Nina Simon/ Michael Buble/ Muse
13) As We Stuble Along- The Drowsy Chaperone OST
14) Don't Stop Believing- Journey
15) What You Want- Evanescence

Song list- current

For some reason, I'm finding myself attracted to these songs right now. I'm not particularly a big fan of a couple of these artists, but there is something about these songs that I like. 

Adele- Someone Like You
The Beatles- The Night Before
Billy Paul- Me and Mrs. Jones
Beyonce- Best Thing I Never Had
Britney Spears- Shadow
Frank Sinatra- Strangers in the Night
Katy Perry- The One That Got Away
Legally Blonde OST- Ireland
Queen- Somebody To Love
Rihanna- We Found Love


 This brief moment was all we'll ever have. This is impossible, but it happened in a hopeless place therefore all we have are shadows

Thank you to MadDogBV for editing this picture for me.

My Life is Over

So today is John Lennon's birthday anniversary, but on this day my life is over. I've been saying for the past year now that I knew for sure I'd never get married and now it is confirmed. I waited and hoped for the past ten years that this guy would notice me and fall in love with me. I love his voice, he writes wonderful songs that always bring a smile to my face, he plays guitar and piano, and has a sunny personality. He's also really cute, but that's besides the point. Even though there's a significant age difference, it didn't bother me. I love him and I will continue to love him even though he's now married.
Oh Paul, would you have given me a chance if I'd ever told you how much I love and admire you? Or would you have simply passed me up as just another silly girl? I know you have many admirers but maybe you would have made an exception for me? Ten years is an awful long time to have feelings for someone. My feelings for you have only changed insomuch as they have exponentially grown and deepened. Every time you sing, I feel like you're singing just for me. We are both artists and keep hoping to find true, eternal love. I know that I've found that in you.
But now it is too late. You are now happily married and I am left alone in this cold cruel world without you beside me. Despite this, I still wish you the best of luck in your marriage and I hope she treats you better than your last wife.

Yours forever,
Wanna-be Mrs. Paul McCartney

Our Song part 2

For a couple of weeks I've been compliling a list of songs for Sam. I wanted to reflect on where our relationship has gone and where it's headed as we approach a milestone I have never hit- the one year. I believe a little more each day that we can actually make it.

Going My Way- Bing Crosby For a while there, Sam and I took to watching TCM and one night they were playing a movie called "Going My Way" starring Bing Crosby. It was about a pastor who took over a church and convinced all the young boys who would stir up trouble in the neighborhood to form a choir for the church and behave. It was a sweet little movie and it was more of a showcase for Crosby because he would sing every 20 minutes but the song is quite beautiful and Crosby really does have a nice, well supported, bottomed voice. This song is an optimistic ballad and the perfect soundtrack for cuddling up and watching a movie in the arms of someone you love.

Touch My Body- Mariah Carey Ok so Sam as a general rule hates mainstream pop music but he does admit that she has lots of talent. This one is pretty self explanetory. If you don't get it, you haven't experienced it, so don't worry, you will. ;)


As Time Goes By- Dooley Wilson This song is from one of my all-time favorite movies "Casablanca". This is another movie that we've watched together and both enjoyed. It's such a romantic song with a beautiful piano melody and Dooley's voice complements this song perfectly. No one sings it quite like he does.

Angel of Mine- Amanda Somerville You have saved me I must confess it's you that always gives me strength and I don't know where I'd be without you. It's a beautiful song with no obvious fancy special effects. Just her, a piano, and a background chorus that's probably her voice recorded and played over. Either way, the words are really about us.

Here Comes The Sun- The Beatles Metaphorically the sun has finally risen for me. I feel like I've started a new stage in my life; the world is calm and bright. It's been a long, cold, lonely couple of years when I had to deal with a lot of issues but I'm finally learning to let things go and that I don't have to carry my past around my neck like an albatross because I am my own person and I don't have to re-live someone else's past, or my own for that matter.

Hey Baby they're playing our song

I've recently started dating someone new. That's not to say that I'm completely over my ex. He knows that, and he's ok with it. He's so good to me and, I'm not going to lie, I really like having someone I can see everyday. I thought I couldn't be in a relationship with someone so close because they'd drive me crazy. I'm glad to know and admit I was wrong! This song list is in no way reflective of his musical tastes. As the relationship grows and progresses, I'm sure I'll be adding songs.

*Way Back Into Love- Music and Lyrics
I needed to find a way back into love. I have been hurt, hurt someone, and thought that I wouldn't find anyone any time soon. He's willing to help me make that transition.
*Mine- Taylor Swift
There's a line in there about "I remember we were sitting there by the water". We were sitting by the water when he first put his arm around me. We've come a long way since then.
*Crazier- Taylor Swift
I know I have two Taylor Swift songs. He drives me crazy but in the good way! I get the feelings this song talks about, the tone is the melody in my heart when he's around.
*Underneath Your Clothes- Shakira
I'm running out of reasons to cry. You are exactly what I need at this time; you are so good to me and I care about you as you are, who you are.
*Fireflies- Owl City
The night we first kissed, there were fireflies all around us. It was so incredibly romantic; I'm such a hopeless romantic. No matter how much I'm hurt in Love, I still believe in it.
*If I Fell- The Beatles
My favorite band. I guess this is actually a song for the both of us. We were initially so afraid of hurting each other, uncertain of the repercussions, the future.
*Halo- Beyonce
Baby I can see your halo, you know you're my saving grace. Remember those walls I built? They're tumbling down and they didn't even put up a fight. You're everything I need and more.
*Good Enough- Evanescence
I'm in the process of forgiving myself for my past sins and I guess I'm good enough that someone can love me, flaws, mistakes, and all.