Lose yourself

This is the first time in my life I was not able to go home for the holidays. I used to wish I didn't have to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas when I was in school; I'd go back, of course, because I felt a sense of obligation to my family. After all, family is family. Now, I couldn't go home. The airfare was way out of my budget, even if I had started saving up in the middle of the summer I always knew the money would be better budgeted towards "emergencies" such as the imminent lay off. Yes, I am being laid off from my current job come January 1, 2014. Right now, I don't know what the new year has in store for me, I'm only staying where I am because of a lease. I'd hate to break a lease and make it that much harder for me to get a new apartment. I need a decent income, I'm painfully aware of that, but I can't say I'm thrilled about working at McDonald's half way across the country with a college degree. I mean, damn, if I wanted to work at McDonald's while I starved for my art it would be a lot cheaper to do so if I lived at home! I need more experience, I know that. God knows my current job didn't give me as much experience as I had hoped. Hindsight is 20/20. My mom would say "But you did gain a lot of experience! You learned what it was like to live on your own and manage your own affairs. You learned what it was like to deal with a difficult boss..." (That's putting it mildly.) So, I have no fucking clue what to do with my life now. I moved half way across the country for this job; I had one end result in mind, that's it. I don't want to jump at just any job again because look at where it's gotten me.I want my next job to propel me in the general direction of my dreams. I don't want to flounder, or worse, backpedal. That's how I feel, like I've backpedaled and somehow I feel like I know less than I did leaving college. When I first left college, I felt like I had some grasp on basic costuming skills like patterning and sewing. Now, I feel like I know even less because I haven't been given the opportunity to practice and expand these skills. Instead of working and being forced by the very nature of the job to think and apply my skills and grow, I've stagnated and I find that I have to remind myself that I can sew.


*Creativity is a muscle that must be exercised regularly to maintain peak performance. 

I don't write anymore. I don't design, I don't dance, and I hardly sing anymore. So many of the activities I once enjoyed and had some level of accomplishment in have fallen by the wayside and I don't feel like me anymore. My job doesn't allow me the time or energy to spend on myself. Mind you, I've refused to come in on my days off despite my supervisors texting me asking me to come in. I know I chose the alternate life; I work when everyone else is off for their entertainment; but do I have to lose myself?

I am not dead yet

So, if I'm not dead yet, where the hell have I been? Well, I designed between 10-20 characters for a Halloween venue at my job and then worked said Halloween venue. I made my personal Halloween costume so that I could lose my Rocky Horror virginity in grand style. (I know, I'm a horrible theater person!) I went as Columbia in her Time Warp outfit (gold sequined tailcoat, matching hat, sequined bustier, striped shorts, pink sequined bowtie, and bedazzled shoes) oh and did I mention I cut and styled the wig myself? I started researching the costume and all its pieces way back in July and started buying all of the materials over the course of several paychecks. The really fun part was I went with a friend who was sweet enough to dress up as Eddie and we went on his motorcycle. A few people honked and hollered at me as we cruised down the streets. We even won third place in the costume contest. Go us!
Well, this "friend" and I have been seeing each other for about 5 months now. It's nothing long term because once again, I'm not sure where I'm going to be in a few months. I think it's been liberating to have a for-now relationship as opposed to a forever relationship because we just enjoy each others' company and we do things together and just live in the moment as opposed to worrying about a future neither one of us can control. We could say "Oh fuck it, we're not going to be together in 3 months, so why bother trying?" and call it quits right here, right now. But we don't. We'd rather have fun and go see Rocky Horror and Spamelot, go to dinner and a movie together than be bored with our lives separately. The future doesn't guarantee anybody anything, so why not enjoy what you're given?

Glitter in the Air

http://www.deviantart.com/art/Love-is-not-in-the-air-76311494

A year ago, I wanted to focus on my career, build friendships and enjoy being single; I figured this was a pragmatic approach to adapting to living in a new city. Lately, I've been thinking that I want to start dating again. Nothing serious, mind you, just go out, meet people, see the city in a different way. I've gone out on a couple unsuccessful dates, joined an online dating website (neither of the dates came from the website, actually joining the website has been next to useless but that's neither here nor there) and I've decided that I want to be swept off my feet. I want a guy to impress me, go out of his way and for me to feel that chemistry. The last time I felt that chemistry, the quickened heartbeat, the giddiness and crushing euphoria was with J. Yes, MadDogBV did make me very happy and I enjoyed the time we spent together, but the feelings I felt for him paled in comparison to what I'd felt prior to and including J. I thought that perhaps it was because I'm older now and more sensible, but I talked to a friend of mine who is significantly older than me (27 years to be exact) and asked him if falling in love feels the same when you're 50 or 15 such as the pounding heart, the thrill, etc. and he said yes.
The problem is, and I've mentioned this before, all the interesting, awesome guys that I would like to go out with and get to know are either taken or gay.
The title of this blog is the name of a song by P!nk. On a random note, I would love to see her in concert; I've watched some videos of her performances and they are amazing! She's no circus acrobat, but for a pop singer damn she's impressive. Listen to the song, it's just her and a piano, and the lyrics are beautiful.

Work, work, work.

Wow, I haven't posted anything in almost 3 months. Frankly, it's because work took over my life. For a couple weeks in June I was working +/- 15 hours a day. After that, I became the lead dresser for a new summer show and that's pretty much all I've been up to. I work afternoons to late night so it's killed any chance for a social life. The past couple weeks I have worked 3 shows a day. Despite all the running around and zero chance for me time I've actually felt very accomplished and satisfied at the end of the day. Are there days when I'm frustrated and tired and feel like I'm taken for granted? Oh yeah. But I have never doubted my choice of career; it's been the management I question. There's a great disparity in treatment from employee to employee in terms of lateness forgiveness, division of labor and tasks, and treatment in general. I don't really feel like going into too much detail in case this blog is ever discovered by present or future employers. (It shouldn't, but just in case).
Actually, I should get to bed since I work tomorrow. 

Come to your senses....

Thursday night my life came and circled back 360 degrees to almost exactly 10 years ago. In November of 2003, I had my first kiss and my first date. Mind you, I was in middle school so as far as I and everyone else was concerned, he was my first boyfriend. Two weeks later, we break up and soon after that he comes out as gay. (Cue Gay Boyfriend by Hazzard). It took a while, but I learned to laugh and make jokes about this non-straightforward start to dating. "I was so good looking I turned him straight but then a hot guy walked by us" etc. Oh and if I had to identify with a fairy tale, it would be "The Ugly Duckling" because in high school I became the swan.
In high school, I had guys interested in me. Guys thought I was pretty and I made friends. I thought those dark, lonely middle school days were behind me. Then I fell madly in love with J. If you go back to the early days of this blog, back when it was still called "Living Under A Rock" you'll find various posts about him. I thought I had found the love of my life. A large part of me believes he still is the love of my life, the one that got away, because it's hard to believe that I would willingly give up so much of my life again. I could go on and on about him to try and give you a glimpse of how I felt but maybe I'll just publish some of the poems I wrote then.
Then there was MadDogBV and I think that relationship is fairly well chronicled here as well. It'll suffice to say that J and MadDog were as far away from my first relationship as I ever got. They were based on common interests, genuine affection and concern, and sexual attraction. Let's face it, I was 16 when I first became interested in J, 18 when we got together and put serious effort into making the relationship work despite the war in Iraq, 19 when I lost my virginity to him and I was 20 and in my 3rd year of college when I got together with MadDog, sex was going to enter into the relationship at some point. Sex was something that played into my previous relationships but took the back seat because I wasn't ready for it.
Lastly, there was Frank Sinatra. Not a real relationship because it was based pretty much solely on sex but I fell for him. To this day, I'm not sure why since he's spinning his wheels in a small town, he can't get a job, he was a borderline alcoholic, not very good looking, very weird, and he only paid attention to me when I was in his bed. No, I'll tell you what it was: he could sing Frank Sinatra extraordinarily well, he's a talented artist (acting, directing, singing, and lighting design) and he's truly creative. Everything he works on he wants it to be perfect and show his effort. He doesn't want to half ass anything but does when someone else is in control and( in his mind) doesn't want anything changed. I loved his fire and passion and talent. Eventually, he did start taking me out on something that resembled dates and then he'd do something or say something that would send whatever progress we had made in making the relationship grow back to square one. He knew I loved him; I would tell him and when I would try to help him as a professional friend (telling him about a job) he'd wipe his ass with it and not listen to me. (Cue We Found Love by Rhianna/ Come to Your Senses from Tick Tick Boom). It was tumultuous to say the least, but I got some kind of sick pleasure from it because every time I'd say that I was ending it, he would, with random precision, say or do just the right thing that would compel me to forgive him. I graduated and got a job and moved away, but I still loved him. In February I decided to end it and didn't talk to him for almost 2 months (go me). He did text me for Valentine's Day but I couldn't brush it off as a mass text because it had my name in it and I tersely replied "Same to you." Just as it was finally getting easier, he texts me saying that he's been an asshole. I ask him if that's supposed to be some of apology and he replies that it's the best he could do and I told him not to waste my time.  I was talking to a mutual friend, A and she told me that she had been talking to Frank Sinatra on Facebook the day he texted me and she told me that he wanted to reconcile with me and he tied it to the rock musical "Rooms A Rock Romance" because the male lead was basically him and his life and the icing is the lead female and I have the same name. So, April 1st we had a long conversation where I got to grill his ass and he admitted to using me for sex and attention but it wasn't just my attention for himself, it was the attention our relationship got from other people. He wasn't making out with me in front of half of the people in our college because he was proclaiming his love for me, it was to start gossip and make himself look good. The ugly, weird outcast guy making out with this really pretty girl and leaving with her. We decided to be friends.
Now, this is the climax. I texted him the other night to find out how "Rooms" went, since it was opening up last weekend. He told me that it was interesting but didn't want to go into details because he had a "snuggle date". Ok, fine. The next day I text him asking if he was going to tell me about this date so that I could live vicariously through him or if I was going to have to use my imagination. When he finally does text back he asks me if I remember the dancer from the night we went to this bar to watch his movie. No, I reply but then I remember the gay guy in the corset. Turns out this gay guy was actually a girl who wants to transition to a guy, goes by "Charles" was in Frank's production of "Death of a Salesman" as "Bernard" but she/he is bi! And Frank is "intrigued" by Charles and they've been taking turns staying at each other's place for the past week and a half. And Charles has a girlfriend who lives in Canada (Cue My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada from Avenue Q) so Frank, Charles, and Miss Canada are in a poly-amorous relationship. First of all, all that identity just fucks with my mind, it took me a little while to get it straight. It's not that he's found someone else that hurts, it's.... who it is. If I look at is as "He's scraping the bottom of the barrel" it begs the question "What am I?" Clearly, I'm not his type because he likes tall women with big boobs and Charles has bigger tits than A and she's like a 34 D. Yes, it makes me feel worthless, like I'm not good enough for him but who gives him moral support? Me. Who encourages him? Me. Who tries to help him find a job? Me. Who believes in him? Me. Who sees beyond his antics and strangeness and sees the talent and potential? Me. It's me, always has been, since the day I met him, I've had faith in him.
So now, ten years later I have come back full circle. But not in the kind of full circle where everything plays itself out exactly the same way as if nothing happened in between the first time and the second time, but the kind that is merely uncanny. This second time around bears the marks of the strange, the absurd, the so impossible it must be true that comes with having a past. It's not a stand alone event, it's a culmination of the past ten years of my dating life events that ended in this. (Cue Don't Bother by Shakira)
Eventually I'll laugh about this. It's so outrageous one can't help but laugh, right? Maybe now that I've finished this cycle of my life, I'll move onto the next one and that one will be more awesome and not nearly as dramatic.

Halestorm

Like I mentioned in my previous post, my friend RKM introduced me to Halestorm. What I like about this band is their ability to rock with a chick as their lead singer. It's rough, unapologetic, sexy, and awesome to listen to when you're pissed off at guys like Frank Sinatra whom you fell in love with in a hopeless place. (See post from approximately 1 year ago). If rough sex has a sound, it's this band. "Here's to Us" isn't as representative of them because it is a ballad and most of their stuff is more uptempo. But there's meaning and thought behind their words. They don't sing catchy, repetitive refrains that simply hint at sex or being upset with their partner. They say "That bitch can eat her heart out/ Love bites and so do I" or "I miss the rough sex/ I don't miss you at all". At a certain point in your life, if you're not there yet, you will understand the sentiment behind "I Miss the Misery" and I've begun to understand it recently. Same thing with "Conversation Over". Lzzy (yes, I spelled that right) has a fantastic range and powerful vocals. I love how she goes from a fairly low key to belting high in a matter of a measure in "Love Bites".  If Evanescence is too emotional or sounds too much like she's crying (as my mom says), but like songs more like "Going Under" and the anger that was present in her first album and want a band with a female lead who can play guitar and goes more in that vein, Halestorm just might be your band. 

They have two albums out. The first one is self-titled, the other is "The Strange Case of..." Pretty much every song on both albums is awesome. Check them out and let me know what you think.

Here's to Us

I've gotten into Halestorm lately thanks to my dear friend RKM. She and I met a year ago at a theater convention, both of us were getting ready to graduate and we were looking for a job. When a position opened up at my job, I told her about it and she applied and thankfully got the job. It's really nice to have someone at work who understands me, and whom I understand.
Anyways, the reason for this post isn't to talk about RKM although I'm sure she'll pop up every so often. This post is to rededicate "Here's to Us" to MadDogBV. Even though he's shut down his blog for now, and I've already had him listen to this song (he doesn't like it) we both can't help but think of our relationship. Things have changed between us lately. He's met someone new and things seem to be working out well for them; they have a lot in common and they are both actively seeking a relationship. Not just a hook-up or to date around, but to find someone to be with for at least a while. Of course we're still going to be friends, but listening to this song makes me think of all the times we fucked up, how we stuck it out together, how things got better, and then went to hell and we came out stronger friends. So close in fact, he's learned to ignore the comments, questions, and snide remarks from his parents about our unique relationship.
Now what? Where does this leave me? For the first time, it feels like we're truly breaking up. We just changed the name a year and a half ago but now it's the real deal. I can't claim as much of his time as I once did. I can't call him up just because I'm bored and expect him to drop whatever he's doing to entertain me. I can't depend on him to comfort me and stroke my ego every time I have a bad day at work. I must move on and learn to be just a friend as opposed to "just friends".  So, here's to us. Here's to all we had, all we were, hell even what we still are. You're still one of my best friends and even though our relationship is changing again, I know we'll make it.


We could just go home right now
Or maybe we could stick around
For just one more drink, oh yeah
Get another bottle out
Lets shoot the shit
Sit back down
For just one more drink, oh yeah

Here's to us
Here's to love
All the times
That we fucked up
Here's to you
Fill the glass
Cause the last few days
Have kicked my ass
So lets give em hell
Wish everybody well
Here's to us
Here's to us

Stuck it out this far together
Put our dreams through the shredder
Let’s toast cause things got better
and everything could change like that
And all these years go by so fast
But nothing lasts forever

Here's to us
Here's to love
All the times
That we messed up
Here's to you
Fill the glass
Cause the last few nights
Have kicked my ass
If they give you hell
Tell em to go fuck themselves
Here's to us
Here's to us

Here's to all that we kissed
And to all that we missed
To the biggest mistakes
That we just wouldn’t trade
To us breaking up
Without us breaking down
To whatever's come our way

Here's to us
Here's to love
All the times
That we fucked up
Here's to you
Fill the glass
Cause the last few days
Have kicked my ass
So let's give em hell
Wish everybody well

Here's to us
Here's to love
All the times
That we messed up
Here's to you
Fill the glass
Cause the last few nights
Have kicked my ass
If they give you hell
Tell em to go fuck themselves
(Go fuck themselves)
Here's to us
Here's to us
Here's to us
Here's to us

Here’s to us
Here’s to love
Here’s to us (Wish everybody well)
Here’s to us
Here’s to love
Here’s to us

Here’s to us

Harvey

What is it like
to spread your wings and fly?
I often wonder as I see you in flight
against the azure skies.
Then I look into your eyes
Harvey,
you set my soul on fire.
As I watch you fly
my thoughts go with thee,
Oh Harvey.
When you're on my arm
the world can't ever harm
me, Harvey.
You're so beautiful
with your bright red plumes;
I just can't get enough of you.
You're the one for me
you're all I'll ever need
and I'll have your loyalty
as long as I feed
you Harvey.


Yes, this is totally about a bird from my beloved show, the one that I wrote about back in....October? Harvey is my boyfriend; all the trainers know this and they are ok with it. I wrote out a copy of this poem for the trainers and they have it posted on their mini fridge. And yes, I totally read it to my boo and he seemed to like it.

Your Eyes

The blue skies
have nothing on your eyes.
I wish I had realized
that, to myself, I lied
when I said "Just one night".

Now every night
awake I lie
and see your eyes.
But I won't cry,
no, I can't cry
because the memory of that night
lingers in my mind
and I can't help but smile.

Dream poem

I dreamed about him last night;
It's been so long since the last time.

I called his name and ran
I couldn't face that man.

Despite the reality:
despite that he's married
despite that we went our separate ways
he quickened his pace.

My running feet
turned into the monastery.
The gravel crunched
as walls crumbled
and I hoped to navigate
this stoney garden
and circumvent this fate.

There was no telling when
he stopped his pursuit
or if my plan had borne fruit.
I stopped and peered around a corner.
There he stood, as if waiting for me.

The alarm chimed
and brought me back to modern time.

The Wasted Land

*Note- It helps if you've read T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land"


Every Saturday the same people
walk into the same bar.
Same fucking people,
week after week; and I among them.
Wasting time.
Wasting life.
Wasting money.
I swear the same songs are played
week in, week out.
Why do they do this?
Why do I do this?
Wasted opportunity.
I regret every decision that led me to this wasted land.
Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Blood is like wine.
Couples.  Count them.
One, two, three.
How long have they been together?
Love. Lust. Whatever. Everyone's favorite damn disease.
Do you know who I am? Sitting across the room.
I'm the girl in the hat and trenchcoat.
So vintage.
Come to me lover, buy me a drink.
Get me wasted. I'm in this wasted land; might as well join in.
I don't have a million dollars to spend.

I see her across the bar.
If she's one of them, she's cute.
Blonde, tattooed. Like you.
My virgin skin, no stories on the surface.
Her stories, skin deep. Like yours.
Competition is a waste.
Of time.
Of money.
Of energy.

The music keeps this place as silent as a concert.
No chatter drifting to the farthest corner where I sit.
Dead place.
Why do I keep coming?
Look the part of the french writer, sitting, making believe she is Eliot.
Eliot wasn't French.

Oh fuck off and play along.

Yeah fat bitch, I'm skinny, young and better looking.
And you have a man.
Ce la vie.
I'll take my independence and run.
Lo que paso, paso entre tu y yo.
She doesn't need to know.
So glad you don't kiss and tell and I don't know her.
Works out nicely.

Sinking deeper in the muck and grime and shit of every day living.
Pour me another, Lover.
Help me get wasted. FTW.

God this music is at least ten years old.
"Off the chain"
There's something you don't hear anymore. Middle school.

What shitty years.
Sitting alone at lunch.....Fuck, don't point out the irony.

And there they all sit
like nighthawks living out their individual little lives.
Lovers will be loved.
Friends will gossip.
The lonely will always try and look preoccupied with a life that occurs
anywhere but here.

A small crowd begins to form around the bar.
Two and a half hours till last call.
How many drown their wasted lives at the bottom of a Bud Light?

Pinky swear? Pinky swear.
She's deep in the wasted land.
I can tell as she twirls herself around in her bar stool.

Slash's guitar solo in "Sweet Child of Mine" sounds like sexual ecstasy.
Those few minutes before orgasm.
Oh Lover. If only I didn't work tomorrow morning.
If only she wasn't here.
I want you in my bed.
I want you inside me.
And  just as suddenly, the moment passes and I'm left in the Wasted Land.

I wanna be your lover.
So appropo.

Close me out.
Get me out of this Wasted Land.
I can't stand this noise much longer.
The looks.
They look at me like I don't belong.
Please don't look at me.
No, look at me. Make me feel like I exist.
Have I wasted away here?

When the lights out, it's less dangerous.
Turn out the lights!
Go to bed!
Leave the Wasted Land.
Until next week.

Corner Bar

If I had to guess
as to your whereabouts
on any given Saturday night,
well, knowing you as I do
I'd say you were at that old corner bar.

No, I can't say you're a drunk,
who needs a fix of whiskey and Guinness
although honey I've had my doubts.
But on any given night
I would bet my life you're crooning
at that old corner bar.

I remember the first time I heard you sing
coulda sworn my heart would melt
as you sung our story through Mrs. Jones,
and on any given Saturday, it's Sinatra or Queen.
Songs of love but never for me
at that old corner bar.

It all started as a harmless fling
and I didn't mind what I'd been dealt,
even though my friends didn't condone
I really like being your arm candy.
You were the king of kareoke
at that old corner bar.

Weekend after weekend we'd spend
lying in each others arms
and lying to the world about us.
But you kissed me one day
and the secret was out.

I thought your mystery would end
I'd no longer be a card
and this would be more than lust.
I was wrong, it ended in May.
All of my dreams never came about.

I went back one last time
to that old corner bar
hoping to see you one last time.
You pulled me close and kissed me
"Goodbye" at that old corner bar.

I'm a thousand miles
from that old corner bar.
I'm doing just fine
and I've found a new corner bar.
There's just one thing it needs.

Writing and a Top 10 Dating List

I've been writing a lot lately. Eventually, I'll get around to posting the poems, but for right now, I can't help but wonder why. I probably shouldn't question why my muse has decided to bless me at this time, but a comment from one of my readers has me wondering if I really am in love. Even I can't deny I do most of my writing when I'm in love, whether I'm happily in love or not is irrelevant, that's when I write. But who I am in love with is a mystery even to myself. I gave up on the director who gave me my first costuming gig. And I can't even bring myself to talk to the guy from work with the beautiful blue eyes. Besides, he has a girlfriend. And no, I haven't met anyone even remotely worthwhile to date. All the good looking guys that are interesting have girlfriends. Everyone else is ugly, fat, in a relationship, has kids, and/or  not ambitious.
So, this post is a list post about all the qualities I want/don't want in a guy.
1) Must be ambitious
2) Must be educated and speak well
3) Must be financially stable and able to support himself
4) Must take care of himself (no more fat guys!)
5) Must have many hobbies and interests
6) Must live on his own
7) No kids/ baby mommas
8) Preferably funny
9) "Live for today and prepare for tomorrow" mentality
10) 21+

It's high time I learned from my biggest mistake which is looking for qualities that just aren't there. Here is a list of qualities that I am looking for and I shouldn't settle for anything less.

Tap your heels three times...

The picture and the context say it all... THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!
Oh the sunshine, blue skies, warm winter weather, and being able to go to the beach in January, wearing shorts, tank tops, and flip flops. Too bad my friends here are total flakes. I don't care, the weather is enough!
I think I really do suffer from that Seasonal Affective Disorder. (SAD) I get sulky and moody if it's cloudy for more than a day, and prior to leaving my own place it had been overcast and cold for days on end. I'm talking low 40's even 30's! Oh and the wind! I was waiting for the bus one morning and the bus bench was glittering. I looked and then touched the seat; there was frost on the seat! The grass along the parking lot of my job was also white with frost. I know, that's not a big deal to people from up north, but for me it was enough to call my friends and whine as dramatically as possible. Thank God I brought all the winter gear I used in college. Even though the temperature is the same in my college town and the new city...I don't know, at least when it was cold in college it was sunny and the sky was a sharp, clear blue.
That blue was ripped out of the sky and placed into the eyes of someone. A blue that can easily be confused with the pool in which he spends so much of his time. A blue that makes me smile. A blue that makes me think of sunny skies and deep oceans. A blue that makes me at once feel at home and far away. Sorry Taylor Swift, loving him is BLUE!

Home Sweet Home

I can't believe I'm actually going to say this; I am very happy to be back home. I missed the sunshine, warm weather and blue skies. I missed the friendly, familiar faces, but most of all I missed feeling wanted. My family members drove each other crazy when they came to visit me and there were a few times when I kind of regretted asking them to come all the way out to visit me, but I'm happy to be home. I'm actually going to have FUN! No more going to the local bar to drink and simply waste time; I'm going to go out and dance and flirt. I'm not going to bitch about going grocery shopping tomorrow because I will kiss every inch of my favorite grocery store. It really is a place where shopping is a pleasure. I've come to realize that. Tomorrow when I get dressed, I won't need to wear two pairs of leggings plus jeans, thick socks and boots and layer after layer of sweaters and long sleeve shirts and coats and scarves and gloves. Oh no siree, I will wear itty bitty little shorts and teeny tiny tank tops and strappy sandals or cute flip flops. I can relax, be cute, and not have to worry about fat, jealous bitches giving me the evil eye. My sense of humor has already come back and I'm not as uptight and out of the loop anymore. I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22! I can't wait to see all my friends and family again because, yes, I've missed them.
We'll call this chapter of my life a stage, a filler. Maybe a few years from now I'll realize the importance of this chapter, but right now I want out so badly. In about a month or two, I'll start looking to transfer my job, not quit, just transfer to the branch much closer to home. And sunshine. And warm weather.....God and I want to live in New York?????