I am not dead yet

So, if I'm not dead yet, where the hell have I been? Well, I designed between 10-20 characters for a Halloween venue at my job and then worked said Halloween venue. I made my personal Halloween costume so that I could lose my Rocky Horror virginity in grand style. (I know, I'm a horrible theater person!) I went as Columbia in her Time Warp outfit (gold sequined tailcoat, matching hat, sequined bustier, striped shorts, pink sequined bowtie, and bedazzled shoes) oh and did I mention I cut and styled the wig myself? I started researching the costume and all its pieces way back in July and started buying all of the materials over the course of several paychecks. The really fun part was I went with a friend who was sweet enough to dress up as Eddie and we went on his motorcycle. A few people honked and hollered at me as we cruised down the streets. We even won third place in the costume contest. Go us!
Well, this "friend" and I have been seeing each other for about 5 months now. It's nothing long term because once again, I'm not sure where I'm going to be in a few months. I think it's been liberating to have a for-now relationship as opposed to a forever relationship because we just enjoy each others' company and we do things together and just live in the moment as opposed to worrying about a future neither one of us can control. We could say "Oh fuck it, we're not going to be together in 3 months, so why bother trying?" and call it quits right here, right now. But we don't. We'd rather have fun and go see Rocky Horror and Spamelot, go to dinner and a movie together than be bored with our lives separately. The future doesn't guarantee anybody anything, so why not enjoy what you're given?

Corner Bar

If I had to guess
as to your whereabouts
on any given Saturday night,
well, knowing you as I do
I'd say you were at that old corner bar.

No, I can't say you're a drunk,
who needs a fix of whiskey and Guinness
although honey I've had my doubts.
But on any given night
I would bet my life you're crooning
at that old corner bar.

I remember the first time I heard you sing
coulda sworn my heart would melt
as you sung our story through Mrs. Jones,
and on any given Saturday, it's Sinatra or Queen.
Songs of love but never for me
at that old corner bar.

It all started as a harmless fling
and I didn't mind what I'd been dealt,
even though my friends didn't condone
I really like being your arm candy.
You were the king of kareoke
at that old corner bar.

Weekend after weekend we'd spend
lying in each others arms
and lying to the world about us.
But you kissed me one day
and the secret was out.

I thought your mystery would end
I'd no longer be a card
and this would be more than lust.
I was wrong, it ended in May.
All of my dreams never came about.

I went back one last time
to that old corner bar
hoping to see you one last time.
You pulled me close and kissed me
"Goodbye" at that old corner bar.

I'm a thousand miles
from that old corner bar.
I'm doing just fine
and I've found a new corner bar.
There's just one thing it needs.

The Early Formation of an Alternate Universe

So I had firmly decided that I wasn't going to date or hook-up with anybody for a while because I needed to focus on myself, my career, get my life in order, make new friends, etc. I know that the only reason I would want a boyfriend right now would be to stave off loneliness and it would be a quick and easy way to have someone to go out with. Then what? I build my entire life around this one person because I don't have anybody else and when it goes south I'm screwed. No, I don't want that. I want a network of friends, acquaintances, going out friends, staying in friends, gossip friends, etc, etc, etc. Then, once I got my life settled and was at a point where I felt like I could share my life with someone other than myself, then I'd think about dating. But then, of course, LIFE HAPPENED!
No, I'm not dating anyone at the moment, nor can I honestly say that what happened was enough to deter me from my plan, but it got me thinking about the plan. Do I want to be single for that long? Wouldn't I want to flirt with someone; maybe even go out with someone, even if it was for just one date? It's not a marriage proposal, nor is it even a long term commitment, or a promise of a future. It's just a date. A date that is not set in stone, a date that has a lot of "ifs" and "maybes" attached to it. A date that is contingent on the stars aligning in just the right way. A way that is so infinitesimally specific that it seems almost certain to fail.
And yet, I still want it.

New Incarnation

As has been my custom, every time there is a major change in my life, I change the blog title. This time I have chosen "Brave New Girl". It was inspired by the Britney Spears song "Brave Girl" off of the "In The Zone" album. If you listen to the words, it sounds like it's just a girl going out looking for a hook up because she has been suppressing herself for a long time and she's finally breaking free. As opposed to taking the song literally, I'm taking a larger interpretation of the song; I'm starting my life in the real world and I'm making my own way. It's going to be rough, I only know a handful of people, and I'm not exactly making beaucoup money, but I can proudly say that I'm paying for my own apartment, my furniture will be mine, I'm paying my own bills and my own expenses and I'm doing my best to not rely on my family financially or to solve my problems. I'm young, I still have dreams and ambitions and I'm pursuing them. I'm looking forward to the challenges; I've been living on my own for a month now and the time has really flown. I've settled into a quiet, simple existence that focuses on myself and my needs. I'm taking care of me which is something I haven't taken the time to do in a long time. For a number of years now, I've been jumping from relationship to relationship but always losing myself in the process. I have this really bad habit of ceasing to do the things I enjoy because I'm with someone. I stop going out with friends, I give up my hobbies, and I center my whole life around whoever I'm with. That's not a good thing and I realize that. That's why I need to take this time for myself and not get involved with anyone even though the temptation is there because I am in a new place where I don't know a lot of people.
People might ask if it's scary to pick up and move a thousand miles away from home for a job, to not know anyone, and to live alone. I don't think it's scary. I think it's exciting, it's refreshing, and it's all what you make of it. I could make it miserable for myself, but I'm not going to do that. I look forward to meeting new people and I love the challenge of getting to know a new city.
Here's a brief song list to go along with this new chapter.

1) Find My Way- Legally Blonde OST
2) Firework- Katy Perry
3) Brave Girl- Britney Spears
4)  My Way- Frank Sinatra
5) Living on a Prayer- Bon Jovi
6) It's My Life- Bon Jovi
7) Fearless- Taylor Swift
8) Across the Universe- The Beatles
9) Don't Rain On My Parade- Funny Girl OST
10) Rose's Turn- Gypsy OST
11) Starting Over- John Lennon
12) Feeling Good- Nina Simon/ Michael Buble/ Muse
13) As We Stuble Along- The Drowsy Chaperone OST
14) Don't Stop Believing- Journey
15) What You Want- Evanescence

A New Start

Hey everybody, I am now moved in to my new apartment and have been working at my new job for about a week and a half now. I now live 1,300 miles away from home and I love it. I love having my own four walls that I'm paying for. I live under my rules and I don't have to listen to anyone telling me what to do.
It wasn't that easy to move though. I had to pack up my stuff and leave home. That wasn't so bad. I've packed up my stuff for four years when I went to college. Emotionally, it felt the same; after all, my work contract is only valid for the next ten months. I still haven't quite figured out what the next step is, but it will come in time. The drive was long and boring though. Through four states, the scenery was the same. We did, however, stop in one of my favorite vacation spots for lunch. Little did I know then that sitting on my ass for basically 10 hours for two days was going to be the easy part. I spent the majority of the time texting my friends, talking to my mom who was helping me move, and flipping through the radio stations to find the R&B stations for my mom. She was the driver so she controlled the radio. Of course we stopped and took all the mandatory state line pictures.
So we get to my new home town and we are driving in circles...literally. The city has two major highways that circle the city with a bunch of  crooked semi spokes which are other highways. I learned that I do not like circles! As we're trying to navigate the city in order to find used furniture shops, running errands to get me settled in, etc. I swear to you I could never remember if I saw a store coming in one direction or going back in the other or really where I had seen it.
One day as we are driving all around town, we were robbed. My laptop, with all my pictures, my webcam, the letters from my boyfriend and my mom's camera and camcorder were stolen. We checked the hotel, praying that we had left the stuff in the room, we went back to the places we had been to the day before to no avail. We weren't even sure when we had been robbed. It had to be somewhere we had spent a long time in. The next day, as we're moving into my apartment, we realize the extent of the robbery. My CDs, a box with my towels, blankets, and a pillow, a duffel bag with my fuzzy bathrobe, my brand new Converse, and my favorite hoodie had also been stolen. I was kind of able to deal with the laptop being stolen because I had burned all the vacation pictures on to CDs and those were safely at home. It was the theft of my CDs that really made me break down and cry. It felt like all the things that identified me had been stolen. It felt like a violation. I'm just thankful my digital camera and phone had been in my purse.
I know these are material things that can easily be replaces, but they are my things. Things I had emotional attachment to. Most of my CDs were gifts from friends, families, ex lovers. My music probably tells you more about me than any 5 page essay about me could. All the things that were stolen had memories attached to them, some tangible, some not. My kitchen utensils don't have nearly as much personality and my imprint as my laptop or even my blankets. Sorry to be crude, but do you know how many times  my ex and I had sex on the blankets that were in one of the boxes? On top of that, my aunt made them for me for Christmas. Yes, it's just two pieces of fleece knotted together, but she took the time to make them for me.
After that, I seriously doubted my decision to move. And then doing the numbers for my budget scared me. I would have just enough to pay off all my living expenses and put some money into savings but not a whole lot to play with. As in, money to go out, eat dinner out, or allow myself an impulse buy.
I know I made these choices. I chose to go into the entertainment industry. Actually a friend of mine is impressed this has panned out for me. I did feel that I had used up all my karma points to get this job. Of course something bad had to happen.
Sam did send me Casablanca, Abbey Road, and Animals and my uncle bought me a new laptop. In general, I do feel like my life is  balancing out and getting on a more even keel. In another post, I'll tell you more about my job.
Until then, stay well dear Readers.
Love,
Maverick

BIG NEWS!!!!

I got a job!!!!!! A month after graduation, I am now officially employed. I'm going to be moving a thousand miles away from home to work at a major entertainment company. After I finish writing this post, I'm going to look into the apartments my realtor found for me. I'm really excited but at the same time really nervous. Obviously, it's a natural reaction. I've never really lived on my own and I've never had to pay my own bills. I'm really an adult now. There are so many things that I need to figure out: where I'm going to live, what I'm going to take with me (I'm going to try really really hard and take only the essentials), I need to make a budget, figure out how I'm going to get around, and so many other things that I can't even think of right now. 
If anybody has any moving tips, major life change advice, please leave a comment and share it. I'll continue to chronicle my journey and hope you guys continue supporting me and helping me. I hope you guys are finding support, help, and a place to turn to in this blog.
Love you guys!
Maverick

Soundtrack:
Walk A Thousand Miles- Vanessa Carlton
500 Miles- The Proclaimers

Silver lining?

So I've been applying to jobs but not really hearing anything back, except really on two occasions. A local director has been asking to talk to me periodically. I always call exactly when he wants me to. I'm actually going to go see one of his shows on Friday. He told me he can't give me anything permanent, but he still is showing interest. I think Friday will be a great opportunity to meet with him face to face.
Second and brighter silver lining- I applied to an internship in my college town. Now I know the costume designer there, I've worked with her before in "The Elephant Man" (Please see my blog "Elephant Man The Story of a Dress") but because of my crazy schedule and all the other shows I was working on, I wasn't able to work with her last year. But I called her yesterday and told her I had applied to the internship and she still really wants to work with me and will try and pull some strings.
And strangely enough, just as I was writing this post, I get a call from one of the places I applied to just yesterday to set up a phone interview. That's happening on Friday.
Nothing is guaranteed, I don't have anything set in stone yet, but  this is the best news I've had so far. I starting to hope that I've just been knocking on the wrong doors.
Wish me luck, dear readers.
Love always,
Maverick

Living on a Prayer

I'm applying for jobs. That's all I can really do. I've been fortunate enough to have a couple of really good leads for potential jobs. One place wants to meet me next week, so yay! I've also gotten the urge to write again. And I'm actually getting words down on paper. I can't say it's fantastic writing by any stretch of the imagination, but it's something. I think the blog title really speaks for itself and the song really capture how my life is going right now. One friend of mine thinks we should quit this field and go into something else. But I'm not that defeated yet. Something inside me is telling me to keep going, keep trying. Somehow, someway, things will work themselves out.
In March I went to a huge convention where there was a job contact fair. Of course, I was really nervous because that was my first job fair, and the first time I would have the opportunity to interview with so many people at one time (both employers and potential employees). This wasn't some summer job at KFC I was applying for; this was the real McCoy. My future. My career. This was the starting point of it all. So, to calm myself down, I listened to some music. 
I guess I'll include the song list here. It's just as applicable now.
Brave- Idina Menzel
Defying Gravity- Wicked OST
Living on a Prayer- Bon Jovi
I Stand- Idina Menzel
We Can Do It- The Producers OST

Please dear Readers, send some positive karma my way. I promise to do the same for you.
Love always,
Maverick

Take a look inside my soul...

This is what I asked for.
Then why does it hurt so
e'ry time I see photos?
Damn, why'd I let you go?
We haven't been apart long
I'm already writing songs
I know it's entirely wrong
but tonight I will be strong.
I can't give in to temptation
even though I miss sensations
of loving hearts' palpitations
when you looked in my direction.
I wish you were here tonight
and I wish with all my might
that I could have the foresight
to pick better times to fight.
I hate that you're away.
There ain't a thing to say.
I knew this back in May
that this would be the way.

If I wanted to be with you
I would have a lot to endure.
More than I thought I ever could.
More than I thought I ever would.

I tried but my strength gave out.
Never have I had so much doubt
sadly I have lost the route
and I had to stand and shout
I can't do this anymore!
This pain hurts me to the core
I can't take this anymore.
And so I walked out the door.

I don't know if I'll come back
my mind's been thrown outta whack.
I think I need to stand back
and see what it is I lack.
Please know I love you
you're my dream come true;
this I gotta do
for me and for you.
Come June we will know
where our love will go
and our lives will show
we loved each other.