May 5, 2012 5:55 a.m. I wake up to get ready for my graduation.
May 5, 2012 9:15 a.m. After Mother Nature thoroughly whooped my ass, I walk into my graduation. Late.
I am the last person to walk. I rather enjoyed being last because everyone claps the loudest for the last person. They are all thinking "Thank God it's finally over!"
So now, I'm back home, unemployed, and trying to think outside the box for job options. But I don't want to talk about that right now.
It actually hasn't really hit me yet that I've graduated. Maybe it's because I've been expecting it for a long time. Or maybe the build-up was released with the rest of my insides. Honestly, I wasn't feeling well so I couldn't even really enjoy my graduation. I couldn't bask in my accomplishments because I felt so shitty. By the time I got up on stage I was feeling a lot better and was able to revel in all the applause.
Frankly, graduations are boring. I've had to sit through 2 where I was participating and 2 where I was watching my friends graduate. It doesn't make a lick of difference. It's boring. It's exciting for like the 2 seconds where you or your friend are called and they walk across the stage, but then it's over.
Anyways, as I walked across the stage I hoped that this would not be the last time in my life where I would hear my name called, people would cheer, and I'd walk across a stage to accept some award, preferably a Tony.
Maybe it'll hit me when I don't go back to school in the fall the way I've done for the past 19 years. I think I've been ready to graduate for a long time even though when other people were counting down the days left until the end of the semester I would freak out a little (or a lot). I know now as I knew then I was freaking out because of the whole job situation, not because I was actually graduating. At some point in time, I had come to grips with that. It's the logical conclusion to this stage in my life. But of course I'm graduating. I kind of wish I had some other reaction, but I don't have any regrets and I think that's why I'm not freaking out. I met a lot of really cool people, I took a lot of interesting classes, and had some amazing experiences that I will treasure. What else is there? It all goes back to 'I was ready to graduate, and it was time'. The one time I felt a twinge of sadness was when we were driving through town to get to the highway. I thought of the friends I was leaving behind that I won't be able to see for a long time. I don't know when I'll be able to go back to that little college town and see the natives, see how much it's changed, and as a consequence, how much I've changed.
