24

So yesterday I turned 24. Happy birthday to me :). But that's not what I'm writing about. No, it's something so much more exciting; I started writing again yesterday!!!!! I know, right? After my pen being still for so many months something finally changed inside me. It's not finished and I only have a vague idea where I'm going to take this story, but it's a kind of fairytale for the modern reader. It won't have smartphones (can we even call them cellphones anymore?) and it will still have elements of magic and lands far away and a kingdom, but the characters are going to be modern. A damsel in distress will not be rescued by a prince she doesn't know. I'm so excited about this story. Even if it's shitty, at least I'm writing again.
Wish me luck!

Harvey

What is it like
to spread your wings and fly?
I often wonder as I see you in flight
against the azure skies.
Then I look into your eyes
Harvey,
you set my soul on fire.
As I watch you fly
my thoughts go with thee,
Oh Harvey.
When you're on my arm
the world can't ever harm
me, Harvey.
You're so beautiful
with your bright red plumes;
I just can't get enough of you.
You're the one for me
you're all I'll ever need
and I'll have your loyalty
as long as I feed
you Harvey.


Yes, this is totally about a bird from my beloved show, the one that I wrote about back in....October? Harvey is my boyfriend; all the trainers know this and they are ok with it. I wrote out a copy of this poem for the trainers and they have it posted on their mini fridge. And yes, I totally read it to my boo and he seemed to like it.

Your Eyes

The blue skies
have nothing on your eyes.
I wish I had realized
that, to myself, I lied
when I said "Just one night".

Now every night
awake I lie
and see your eyes.
But I won't cry,
no, I can't cry
because the memory of that night
lingers in my mind
and I can't help but smile.

Dream poem

I dreamed about him last night;
It's been so long since the last time.

I called his name and ran
I couldn't face that man.

Despite the reality:
despite that he's married
despite that we went our separate ways
he quickened his pace.

My running feet
turned into the monastery.
The gravel crunched
as walls crumbled
and I hoped to navigate
this stoney garden
and circumvent this fate.

There was no telling when
he stopped his pursuit
or if my plan had borne fruit.
I stopped and peered around a corner.
There he stood, as if waiting for me.

The alarm chimed
and brought me back to modern time.

The Wasted Land

*Note- It helps if you've read T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land"


Every Saturday the same people
walk into the same bar.
Same fucking people,
week after week; and I among them.
Wasting time.
Wasting life.
Wasting money.
I swear the same songs are played
week in, week out.
Why do they do this?
Why do I do this?
Wasted opportunity.
I regret every decision that led me to this wasted land.
Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Blood is like wine.
Couples.  Count them.
One, two, three.
How long have they been together?
Love. Lust. Whatever. Everyone's favorite damn disease.
Do you know who I am? Sitting across the room.
I'm the girl in the hat and trenchcoat.
So vintage.
Come to me lover, buy me a drink.
Get me wasted. I'm in this wasted land; might as well join in.
I don't have a million dollars to spend.

I see her across the bar.
If she's one of them, she's cute.
Blonde, tattooed. Like you.
My virgin skin, no stories on the surface.
Her stories, skin deep. Like yours.
Competition is a waste.
Of time.
Of money.
Of energy.

The music keeps this place as silent as a concert.
No chatter drifting to the farthest corner where I sit.
Dead place.
Why do I keep coming?
Look the part of the french writer, sitting, making believe she is Eliot.
Eliot wasn't French.

Oh fuck off and play along.

Yeah fat bitch, I'm skinny, young and better looking.
And you have a man.
Ce la vie.
I'll take my independence and run.
Lo que paso, paso entre tu y yo.
She doesn't need to know.
So glad you don't kiss and tell and I don't know her.
Works out nicely.

Sinking deeper in the muck and grime and shit of every day living.
Pour me another, Lover.
Help me get wasted. FTW.

God this music is at least ten years old.
"Off the chain"
There's something you don't hear anymore. Middle school.

What shitty years.
Sitting alone at lunch.....Fuck, don't point out the irony.

And there they all sit
like nighthawks living out their individual little lives.
Lovers will be loved.
Friends will gossip.
The lonely will always try and look preoccupied with a life that occurs
anywhere but here.

A small crowd begins to form around the bar.
Two and a half hours till last call.
How many drown their wasted lives at the bottom of a Bud Light?

Pinky swear? Pinky swear.
She's deep in the wasted land.
I can tell as she twirls herself around in her bar stool.

Slash's guitar solo in "Sweet Child of Mine" sounds like sexual ecstasy.
Those few minutes before orgasm.
Oh Lover. If only I didn't work tomorrow morning.
If only she wasn't here.
I want you in my bed.
I want you inside me.
And  just as suddenly, the moment passes and I'm left in the Wasted Land.

I wanna be your lover.
So appropo.

Close me out.
Get me out of this Wasted Land.
I can't stand this noise much longer.
The looks.
They look at me like I don't belong.
Please don't look at me.
No, look at me. Make me feel like I exist.
Have I wasted away here?

When the lights out, it's less dangerous.
Turn out the lights!
Go to bed!
Leave the Wasted Land.
Until next week.

Corner Bar

If I had to guess
as to your whereabouts
on any given Saturday night,
well, knowing you as I do
I'd say you were at that old corner bar.

No, I can't say you're a drunk,
who needs a fix of whiskey and Guinness
although honey I've had my doubts.
But on any given night
I would bet my life you're crooning
at that old corner bar.

I remember the first time I heard you sing
coulda sworn my heart would melt
as you sung our story through Mrs. Jones,
and on any given Saturday, it's Sinatra or Queen.
Songs of love but never for me
at that old corner bar.

It all started as a harmless fling
and I didn't mind what I'd been dealt,
even though my friends didn't condone
I really like being your arm candy.
You were the king of kareoke
at that old corner bar.

Weekend after weekend we'd spend
lying in each others arms
and lying to the world about us.
But you kissed me one day
and the secret was out.

I thought your mystery would end
I'd no longer be a card
and this would be more than lust.
I was wrong, it ended in May.
All of my dreams never came about.

I went back one last time
to that old corner bar
hoping to see you one last time.
You pulled me close and kissed me
"Goodbye" at that old corner bar.

I'm a thousand miles
from that old corner bar.
I'm doing just fine
and I've found a new corner bar.
There's just one thing it needs.

Living on a Prayer

I'm applying for jobs. That's all I can really do. I've been fortunate enough to have a couple of really good leads for potential jobs. One place wants to meet me next week, so yay! I've also gotten the urge to write again. And I'm actually getting words down on paper. I can't say it's fantastic writing by any stretch of the imagination, but it's something. I think the blog title really speaks for itself and the song really capture how my life is going right now. One friend of mine thinks we should quit this field and go into something else. But I'm not that defeated yet. Something inside me is telling me to keep going, keep trying. Somehow, someway, things will work themselves out.
In March I went to a huge convention where there was a job contact fair. Of course, I was really nervous because that was my first job fair, and the first time I would have the opportunity to interview with so many people at one time (both employers and potential employees). This wasn't some summer job at KFC I was applying for; this was the real McCoy. My future. My career. This was the starting point of it all. So, to calm myself down, I listened to some music. 
I guess I'll include the song list here. It's just as applicable now.
Brave- Idina Menzel
Defying Gravity- Wicked OST
Living on a Prayer- Bon Jovi
I Stand- Idina Menzel
We Can Do It- The Producers OST

Please dear Readers, send some positive karma my way. I promise to do the same for you.
Love always,
Maverick