This past summer I worked at a large retail store. I was ususally the fitting room attendant; however this post is not to bitch about the experience because overall it was a very good experience.
This past Saturday was my last day and I was in the fitting room. This young couple walked in with a number of items each. The girl had a Gators hoodie and I asked her if she was attending UF. She said that she had already graduated. The guy had a Gators T-shirt and I asked him if he also graduated from UF. He replied that no, he had been in the Army.
I really couldn't say much else. How do you tell someone that they are living your life in an alternate universe without sounding as if you are on drugs? Sure, I could tell them my whole story, but the store is paying me to attend to people, not to tell them my life story and end up in tears by the end of it. If things had gone the way I had hoped they would go, I'd probably be living with him by now. We had been talking about getting an apartment together- I had even started looking around for a +/- $500 a month, one room place close to campus back almost 2 years ago.
One thing has changed though. Last year on my last day at KFC a guy dressed in ACUs came in and I broke down. I'm glad I've healed enough that I didn't break down this time. I did have a slight out-of-body experience and a melancholic nostalgia. Throughout the day I wondered how he was doing, where he was, and...admittingly if he still thought about me every once in a while. Some days, like today, it hurts a little more and it's easier to move me to tears.
I hope in the alternate universe that young couple is happy. I never learned their names, how long they've been together, how they met, etc. but I do wish them happiness and a life filled with love and understanding. As for me in this universe all I can do is continue moving forward with my life. Maybe someday it won't hurt as much to look back on those times...
Sorry I have been gone for a while, I had my soul crushed numerous times lately but I'll survive.
ReplyDeleteAnyway on topic, seeing a shimmer of what could/should have been is EXTREMELY painful because there will always be that one part of your heart that still loves and cares that one person. At times I wish it didn't happen but I guess we are just good people at heart.
Well, if you ever want to talk to someone who completely understands I'm here. Feel free to post your own stories here or send me a link. This generation thinks that the human spirit is weak and fragile, any little insult is detrimental to us. But the truth is, the human spirit is resilient and strong. It does take time and effort to develop that resilience, but those lessons are among the most important that every child has to learn. "Sticks and stones..." It's obvious from this anecdote that my soul has strengthened. I've had my moments of weakness, but I survived. Yeah, it hurt and I spent parts of the rest of the day thinking about it, but I didn't fall apart over it. Let this be a testament to the power of time and the strength of the human spirit! It does get better.
ReplyDeleteWell most of my soul crushing issues stem from being what should be the ideal man for most women but not looking as great, and a rough around the edges personality.
ReplyDeleteUgh! I hate people who think they are "the perfect guy/girl". Guess what peopel? NO ONE'S PERFECT! So get the fuck over yourselves and always remember that you can't please everybody all the time. Wade, you must first be happy with yourself. When you are, you will radiate an aura that people are drawn to. From there you will have to weed out who's worth it and who isn't. My favorite make up trend/accessory? My smile. Trust me, a smile goes a long way in attracting people.
ReplyDeleteNah I am happy with my self and who I am, and smiling kinda has always been hard for me to do for unknown reasons but oddly I get paid to smile and be warm and friendly. OOOOOHHHHH THE CRUEL IRONY OF THIS SITUATION!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso btw I said "ideal" not perfect, I know I am not perfect and I always valued my imperfections that make me, me.
What do you do that you get paid to smile and be warm and friendly?
ReplyDeleteDoorman/cashier/saleman
ReplyDeleteSounds like retail. Been there done that. Still prefer retail to fast food. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah but I'd like retail more, I just seem to be sadomasochistic like that. Although back on topic I guess.
ReplyDeleteIt's also kinda odd knowing that one of the supervisors at work is pretty much older me with a very similar name and my boss reminds me of one of my EXs. . .
Oh I love gossip! Tell me more about this ex of yours. Please send your reply to my posted e-mail address. I'm sure you wouldn't want all this info on my blog.
ReplyDeleteLol that's alright I don't mind, although I am over it now, it was just the same hair, height and nose. It was more of an initial shock of it although now I don't care because she's married and their other fish in the sea.
ReplyDeleteUnless you are in a dry unforgiving desert. . . .
I see... well I don't know where you live, but I certainly don't live in a desert. But I've been to desert environments and they were very beautiful.
ReplyDelete