Unemployment

For a month now, I've been unemployed. (Between you and me, thank god.) The job that practically consumed my life also brought out a dark side of me; not the dark side that I displayed in high school when I went through the (seemingly) obligatory depression of Junior Year. No, this dark side was much scarier because I had thoughts I had previously believed belonged to psychopaths. I don't want to post the details of those thoughts on here because I don't want anyone in the NSA or other government organizations to get the wrong idea, (Hey guys, happy reading!) I will say this however, I now believe everyone is capable of unspeakable horrors if pushed to the individual's breaking point. Everyone has one. And if pushed beyond that breaking point, it is only the individual's willpower and decisions that prevent or allow them to commit those unspeakable horrors. Yes, sometimes a person is put into a bad place surrounded by people who are indeed out to hurt others and getting out of said situation is difficult, however a person still has the ability to choose their actions. Let me tell you though, it's not easy to simply smile and let it slide off you. Sometimes people act out because of oppression and frustration. Imagine the frustration you feel after someone cuts you off. Now make that a constant in your life. Every minute of the day for 8+ hours. Never being good enough because no matter what you do, someone finds fault with your decisions and instead of being told how to complete a task you are told to "be proactive" and ask. But when you do ask, you are brushed aside. Add to that, the person you thought was your friend betrays you, talks shit about you behind your back, and when you tell her "Hey, I'm having issues with your promotion. I feel like I can't talk to you anymore" she just brushes you off with "Yeah they told me in my management classes that some people would have issues." Not offering any real solutions, any thoughts of her own, not even caring about someone's feelings enough to discuss it. Fuck her, right? Easy to say, not so easy to dismiss the hurt. The worst part is, I told her about the job and encouraged her to apply. That came back to bite me in the ass. Fuck me.
Even now, I'm still angry. I'm still hurt. I spend most of my days looking for jobs and applying. I know something will turn up eventually; I'm not worried about that. My biggest concern is to find a  job where I won't dread coming in to work every day, or dreaming of calling in. I love costuming, I love working long hours, and I love being part of a group that makes magic happen. I wouldn't even mind lower pay if the people around me and the job itself were enjoyable. But a shitty work environment can quickly make you feel like you're not getting paid enough. $8.40/hour is not enough compensation to deal with a she-devil boss, not enough to get thrown under the bus by the she-devil, not enough to pick up the slack of the she-devil, certainly NOT enough to have yourself and your co-workers constantly made to feel as if their work is not good enough, that their help is not wanted or needed.
I can't go back to a hostile work environment. I want to find a job that values me, my contributions, lets me grow,  gives me responsibilities, and encourages a development of camaraderie. I want encouragement when something is done well and guidance when it is not, not to be berated or condescended. I want just compensation for my time. It sucks to work overtime and not getting paid extra, especially when you could fuck everyone over and say "No, I'm not staying for another shift because someone called in." I know I could have left. I know I probably should have quit. But I felt a sense of duty and responsibility. I couldn't just walk out. Besides, I moved half way across the country for this very job. This was the beginning of my career. This wasn't just some job for me; it was my life. Maybe I cared too much....hell I probably cared too much for eight fucking forty an hour. With a college degree!
What the hell am I thinking? Mom, if this isn't passion for costuming, I don't know what is. To endure all of this because I love my job and still want to do it after all this. Fuck. This is fucking passion. I want to find a job that fuels my passion without tearing me down.

Oh and here's the very nice, very just ending to the story. The bitch she-devil got fired. Before I got laid off so I got to see karma in action. It took a lot of restraint on my part not to keep from jumping out of my chair yelling "WOOOOHOOOO!" I beat her.    

Lose yourself

This is the first time in my life I was not able to go home for the holidays. I used to wish I didn't have to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas when I was in school; I'd go back, of course, because I felt a sense of obligation to my family. After all, family is family. Now, I couldn't go home. The airfare was way out of my budget, even if I had started saving up in the middle of the summer I always knew the money would be better budgeted towards "emergencies" such as the imminent lay off. Yes, I am being laid off from my current job come January 1, 2014. Right now, I don't know what the new year has in store for me, I'm only staying where I am because of a lease. I'd hate to break a lease and make it that much harder for me to get a new apartment. I need a decent income, I'm painfully aware of that, but I can't say I'm thrilled about working at McDonald's half way across the country with a college degree. I mean, damn, if I wanted to work at McDonald's while I starved for my art it would be a lot cheaper to do so if I lived at home! I need more experience, I know that. God knows my current job didn't give me as much experience as I had hoped. Hindsight is 20/20. My mom would say "But you did gain a lot of experience! You learned what it was like to live on your own and manage your own affairs. You learned what it was like to deal with a difficult boss..." (That's putting it mildly.) So, I have no fucking clue what to do with my life now. I moved half way across the country for this job; I had one end result in mind, that's it. I don't want to jump at just any job again because look at where it's gotten me.I want my next job to propel me in the general direction of my dreams. I don't want to flounder, or worse, backpedal. That's how I feel, like I've backpedaled and somehow I feel like I know less than I did leaving college. When I first left college, I felt like I had some grasp on basic costuming skills like patterning and sewing. Now, I feel like I know even less because I haven't been given the opportunity to practice and expand these skills. Instead of working and being forced by the very nature of the job to think and apply my skills and grow, I've stagnated and I find that I have to remind myself that I can sew.


*Creativity is a muscle that must be exercised regularly to maintain peak performance. 

I don't write anymore. I don't design, I don't dance, and I hardly sing anymore. So many of the activities I once enjoyed and had some level of accomplishment in have fallen by the wayside and I don't feel like me anymore. My job doesn't allow me the time or energy to spend on myself. Mind you, I've refused to come in on my days off despite my supervisors texting me asking me to come in. I know I chose the alternate life; I work when everyone else is off for their entertainment; but do I have to lose myself?

I am not dead yet

So, if I'm not dead yet, where the hell have I been? Well, I designed between 10-20 characters for a Halloween venue at my job and then worked said Halloween venue. I made my personal Halloween costume so that I could lose my Rocky Horror virginity in grand style. (I know, I'm a horrible theater person!) I went as Columbia in her Time Warp outfit (gold sequined tailcoat, matching hat, sequined bustier, striped shorts, pink sequined bowtie, and bedazzled shoes) oh and did I mention I cut and styled the wig myself? I started researching the costume and all its pieces way back in July and started buying all of the materials over the course of several paychecks. The really fun part was I went with a friend who was sweet enough to dress up as Eddie and we went on his motorcycle. A few people honked and hollered at me as we cruised down the streets. We even won third place in the costume contest. Go us!
Well, this "friend" and I have been seeing each other for about 5 months now. It's nothing long term because once again, I'm not sure where I'm going to be in a few months. I think it's been liberating to have a for-now relationship as opposed to a forever relationship because we just enjoy each others' company and we do things together and just live in the moment as opposed to worrying about a future neither one of us can control. We could say "Oh fuck it, we're not going to be together in 3 months, so why bother trying?" and call it quits right here, right now. But we don't. We'd rather have fun and go see Rocky Horror and Spamelot, go to dinner and a movie together than be bored with our lives separately. The future doesn't guarantee anybody anything, so why not enjoy what you're given?

Movie curtain dresses

I just thought of something, there are an awful lot of curtain dresses out there in the movie world. Let's count them!
1) Gone With the Wind

You can also count the parody version of this dress on the Carol Burnett Show too :)
1a) Carol Burnett Show "Went With the Wind"

2) The Sound of Music (The children's adorable matching outfits)

3) Enchanted (The Disney movie with Princess Giselle)

These are all the ones I can come up with off the top of my head. If I missed one, please comment and let me know and I'll add it. :) If you can include a picture, even better ;)

Silver lining?

So I've been applying to jobs but not really hearing anything back, except really on two occasions. A local director has been asking to talk to me periodically. I always call exactly when he wants me to. I'm actually going to go see one of his shows on Friday. He told me he can't give me anything permanent, but he still is showing interest. I think Friday will be a great opportunity to meet with him face to face.
Second and brighter silver lining- I applied to an internship in my college town. Now I know the costume designer there, I've worked with her before in "The Elephant Man" (Please see my blog "Elephant Man The Story of a Dress") but because of my crazy schedule and all the other shows I was working on, I wasn't able to work with her last year. But I called her yesterday and told her I had applied to the internship and she still really wants to work with me and will try and pull some strings.
And strangely enough, just as I was writing this post, I get a call from one of the places I applied to just yesterday to set up a phone interview. That's happening on Friday.
Nothing is guaranteed, I don't have anything set in stone yet, but  this is the best news I've had so far. I starting to hope that I've just been knocking on the wrong doors.
Wish me luck, dear readers.
Love always,
Maverick

Elephant Man- The story of a dress

I can't believe I've been able to write so many posts the past month or so!
I'm currently involved in a production of "The Elephant Man" as the costume designer. Below is the story of how I got the job, the story of Sundance, and my rescue.

Last year I took the beginning costume class and I really enjoyed it. I knew that I wanted to learn more and really be good at sewing. So this summer I volunteered with a seamstress. During the course of the summer, I found out that I really wanted to sew and work with costumes. How the hell I was going to do that, I didn’t know. I just figured I’d move to New York at some point after graduation and find a costume house that would hire me. But in October I was at the Japanese restaurant formerly known as Shooting Star with my boyfriend, Sam, and the guy that I had been talking to for the past six months, but had only met a few hours ago, Max. At Shooting Star, I saw this guy. I didn’t know his name, or exactly where I knew him from, but he looked really familiar. I leaned over and over the deafening bluegrass music I told Sam “I know that guy. I don’t know how I know him, nor do I know his name, but I know him.” Turns out, Sam knew him from when he volunteered at the Acrosstown Repertoire Theater (ART). I nudged him to go and say hello. Eventually, they come back to where Max and I were sitting. Sam introduces me to Mike and he starts telling me about how he’s going to be directing “The Elephant Man” at ART. So we’re talking about what we’re studying, etc. and it comes back to the play because I tell him that I’m into costumes. He was telling me he wanted to keep it as simple as taking off coats to delineate one character from another since there was going to be a lot of double casting. But I started throwing out ideas and I’m not 100% sure how exactly it happened, but he gave me the job of being the costume designer for this show. Sam and Max are just sitting there in silence watching me magically get this job. I warned them as we were walking to the car that I was going to let out a long, loud, shrill scream.
When I first went to ART, I looked at the costume stock. I found one dress that would work and would not need a lot of fixing. She is Beloved. (Yes, I named some of the costumes.) Then I found 3 wedding dresses and lots of fabric that used to be curtains. I decided in a sheer moment of delusional madness that I’d take these wedding dresses and this fabric and convert them into Victorian gowns. Thus I began to work on Sundance. Mind you, this gown would be on stage for all of 5 minutes in total, I don’t have a sewing machine, this wedding dress looks like the worst of the ‘80’s vomited and that birthed this dress, and I don’t have anybody to help me. This wedding dress has pearl beads, sequins, lace, a long train, poofy shoulders that extend into lace sleeves, and bows. There were 4 Lady Gaga sized bows on the train alone. I took those shits off. They had to go. How did I go about tackling this monstrosity? I turned the train into the bustle for starters. I then put burgundy fabric under the poofy shoulders and am now in the process of adding the same burgundy fabric to the skirt of the dress. It’s actually really starting to take form now.
Mike offered to get in contact with the costume designer at the Hippodrome which I eagerly took the offer without shame. I needed help and lots of it! There was no way in hell I could pull this off by myself. This is my first show, after all. So this past Saturday, we went and raided the costume stock of the Hippodrome. I took several coats, a number of dresses, a couple nun frocks, a bishop’s robes, and a chef coat that will be Merrick’s patient garb. Marilyn was also nice enough to let us borrow the hood she made for the Hipp’s production of “The Elephant Man” thirty-eight years, almost to the date, of our production. She even offered to help me in any way she could including letting me come over to dye Sundance, or use the sewing machines.
So now I can go home on Christmas break, finish up Sundance, and rest easy knowing that I was able to get most of the costumes done. I only have a few loose ends to tie up and then we’re good to go. This is definitely an experience. I figure ‘if I can pull this off when I have so few resources, imagine what I can do when I have more available to me.’ Not only have I learned so much about what it takes to put a show together, but I’ve made valuable connections with people who have worked in the field, out in the real world.

The picture attached is indeed a picture of Sundance before I started working on it.

Alice in Wonderland

Over spring break I went and saw Tim Burton's newest work "Alice in Wonderland". I must say, 3-D has improved dramatically from when I was a kid. I remember watching 3-D movies with those paper glasses with the red and blue lenses, remember? And only some of the things would pop out at you, like a cat's paw, or a dragon's head or something. But now thanks to the wonders of technology it's the whole movie! (As a side note, if you go, make sure to get there early so you're not stuck sitting in the front row like I was.) This new and improved 3-D makes you feel like you're actually in the room with the characters and hence, even more involved with the characters and their struggle.
Being a theater geek I was enamored with the costumes and make-up. I doubt the costumes are 100% accurate of the times; why is Alice's dress so short in comparison to those around her? But the essence comes through. Think of it like steam punk; it's inspired by Victorian clothing, but with a modern twist. There is a mixing of styles and each character is given their own style and their personalities are clearly seen in their mode of dress. The make-up in brief is calling to me to try and replicate it. I especially want to try and replicate the Mad Hatter's make-up. I loved all the colors used especially around the eyes.
Although the movie had Burton's signature dark and shadowy and gothic style, it seemed a little bit less so than normal. (Maybe because Disney had a hand in it?) Personally I liked it that way. I like to be able to get a good look at the costumes and in some of his movies like 'Sweeney Todd' I couldn't really do so because it was so dark and shadowy.
This new Alice lost much of Carroll's puzzles, riddles, and humor. Strangely enough, the animated Alice in Wonderland had some of that. You would think that the teen and young adult oriented movie would include more of that since an older audience member would catch on quicker than a child. But that's how it is. Yes, I do think that younger children (say younger than 6) should be excluded from this movie because it is a little bit scarier than the animated Disney version.
One thing that I did notice (damn you I.B.) was that red vs white rose imagery was lifted straight from English history portrayed with some fudge by Shakespeare in his Henry VI cycle of history plays. I'll spare you having to read them; the red and white roses are the symbols of the House of Lancaster and House of York respectively during the famed War of the Roses from 1455-1485. I feel so smart :).
All in all, an entertaining and visually pleasing movie. You don't have to think too hard about it, and it's definitely going to give you ideas for your next Halloween costume.