An Oversimplified Explanation of What Went Wrong with our Policies

*Note- this is a real conversation that I had with a friend of mine. Grammatical errors have been fixed but those are the only changes I have made. A reference to our location as also been erased. As the title hopefully implies, this explanation is hopelessly simplified but I hope it makes the point.
Goku
what evs. I'll order the campus special
Maverick
you can't
Goku
I found a loophole. I'll just go to the Family housing which is like 5 seconds from my apartment, have it delivered there and then walk back home with the pizza
Maverick
I don't know if family housing is allowed that special
Goku
it's on campus therefore yes
Maverick
I don't know if it's dorms/greek houses only or the entire campus
Goku
entire campus I already tried this trick
Maverick
ok
Goku
according to 5 star i am a Ph.D student living in University Village
hehehehe
Maverick
-_-
Maverick
weren't you the one talking about everybody taking responsibility for their own actions?
Goku
huh? what does that have to do with this?
Maverick
Think about it, if everybody cheated the system, what happens? The people that the system was created for, do not benefit. Funds are misallocated
Goku
it's pizza, NOT SOCIAL SECURITY
Maverick
The only difference is degree. If you have x principles, you should apply them to everything.
Goku
the difference is I get pizza now and social security I might never get
Maverick
and if everybody did what you are doing, then nobody will get the campus special
because the company can't afford it
Goku
not my problem
Maverick
that's the point!!! THAT'S WHAT PREVIOUS GENERATIONS SAID ABOUT SOCIAL SECURITY!!!
"Not my problem". Now look at the fix we're in
Goku
well we are all dying in 2 years so I don't give a shit. Lets go pretend make out
Maverick
and if we don't? and if the world doesn't end? Then what?
Goku
then yay more pizza
Maverick
not if you cheat the system
Goku
I'll just go and scam dominos then until I'm done with all the pizza joints in this town.
Maverick
pretty soon, only the very rich will be able to afford pizza
Goku
at that point I move to a new city then repeat the process
Maverick
practice what you preach my dear

The magic behind the drive-thru

I am convinced that whoever invented the drive-thru was Japanese. For those of you who have never worked in the fast food industry, let me explain. When you type in the order it pops up in the right panel. This would be fine if when the next order came in the first order would move one panel closer to the left. However, since Japanese read from right to left, and a Japanese invented the drive-thru the most logical conclusion that can be drawn dear readers, is that what one thinks is not true. Instead, the first order stays in the rightmost panel, the second in the 3rd panel from the left, the third in the second panel from the left, etc. In essance, one reads the orders from right to left. Very confusing, especially for someone who was almost literally thrown into the drive-thru position. (That's what she said.) While Henry Ford invented the assembly line, the Japanese perfected it. (Nevermind the Toyota debocle.) Next you have to press a whole bunch of buttons that you eventually memorize and it's transmitted to a screen where hopefully someone is around to help you prepare the food. By the time the person hasa driven up to your window of enchantment the food has magically appeared behind you. You make change, hand them their food, wish them a good day and the car, faulty brakes and all, I mean the customer gets their food.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2010

1. Prepare for the end of the world. (Yes I'm taking the advice of the Mayans and Al Gore)
2. Always choose comfort over fashion. (Lady Gaga...you need to get your vision checked dear. Maybe check your grip on reality)
3. Don't do anything stupid that I might regret. If I must do something stupid, make sure it is not documented and posted online. (This is for the people that got fired this year for putting up wet T-shirt contests and keg stand pictures up on their facebook profiles)
4. Ditch computerized music and find music written by people and performed by people sans auto-tune mics. (I mean you T-Pain)
5. Make sure I remember my age at all times. (This goes for you 20 something year old ladies in love with Edward. He's not real. Get over it)
6. Lose the self-important attitude. (Twitter users and constant-facebook-status update people, this means you. No one cares what you're eating for dinner.)
7. Marry rich so I won't have to worry about health insurance. (Just so long as it's not Bernie Madoff)