Right now, I feel watched. Winston Smith would know how I feel. Imagine if you can, if you dare, some part of your past constantly coming back to annoy you. No, not haunt. It's not some terrible and dark aspect of your past coming back to haunt you, but rather a part of your life that doesn't mean what it once did. A part of your life that you've outgrown. You don't hate it, but you certainly don't want to revisit that part of your life for too long or too often.
This past won't leave me alone. Every year or so it comes back like a boomerang and no matter how I tell it to go away, it doesn't seem to comprehend. Winston, they are all around me. They follow me; I'm too dangerous for them to let me live, but it's too risky for them to try and kill me. Every precaution I take has been thwarted; every barrier has been infiltrated. The last safe place is destroyed. Even this note is a big risk that could cost me my life.
Even now I see his face; a face that has been tainted by his own actions. If he had left well enough alone I wouldn't despise that face. His voice echos in the silence of my own mind. In that voice I hear the lies and manipulation; I hear the begging and veiled threats, the immaturity. I hear what I once thought was love but I know better now. He was obsessed and still won't let me go.
That obsession follows and haunts me; it comes back through the years. Winston are you still there? Did you ever notice that 'haunting' and 'hunting' are only one letter apart?
Could be worse.
ReplyDeleteTrue, he could show up at my door. Then I'd really get a restraining order.
ReplyDeleteAhh...1984 is a truly classic novel. In many ways that novel came to a reality, even though "1984" was not really that terrible. The whole points of government censorship, monitoring, and brainwashing are relevant to this day.
ReplyDeleteTruth is we are being watched not by the government, but by each other. The inventions we have created make us come so much closer together. Big Brother is not government, as much as people will think, we are all Big Brother to each other.
Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way. (One among the many reasons why I don't have facebook). But this post is actually in retaliation to an ex boyfriend of mine who has subversively come back and is trying to force his way back into my life. I wrote this hoping that he'll see it and take the hint, again.
ReplyDeleteWell phones are can be turned on by the FBI but you also could be trolled to death, which would suck.
ReplyDeleteTrolling doesn't bother me as much. I could simply block the user and delete their comments.
ReplyDeleteI think I know you, don't I?
Well you know what they say "Pounding out aggression, turns into obsession."
ReplyDelete