Song list- current

For some reason, I'm finding myself attracted to these songs right now. I'm not particularly a big fan of a couple of these artists, but there is something about these songs that I like. 

Adele- Someone Like You
The Beatles- The Night Before
Billy Paul- Me and Mrs. Jones
Beyonce- Best Thing I Never Had
Britney Spears- Shadow
Frank Sinatra- Strangers in the Night
Katy Perry- The One That Got Away
Legally Blonde OST- Ireland
Queen- Somebody To Love
Rihanna- We Found Love


 This brief moment was all we'll ever have. This is impossible, but it happened in a hopeless place therefore all we have are shadows

Thank you to MadDogBV for editing this picture for me.

A song for the times

Shadow- Britney Spears In the Zone

Your body’s warm
But you are not
You give a little
Not a lot
You coup your love
Until we kiss
You’re all I want
But not like this
I’m watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black
Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn’t mine
Your laughter it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

How can I tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away
Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall
I’m watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
No, no, no
It’s only your shadow
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon

It’s only your shadow

Keep Going...

For the fist time, I feel myself climbing out of this chasm. It's been easy enough, just keep pushing along, going in some arbitrary direction until...things sort themselves out? I guess so. I can't say I've done anything to really help my situation other than to keep going. I had taken the old sage's advice, to stop resisting. I stopped trying to define, to mold, and shape things into the way I wanted them to be. Instead, I let things take their natural course and to my surprise things have turned out quite well. This philosophy is working for me so far. Now I just need to continue waiting and hoping, and following my heart. The only certainty I have is that somehow, someway I'll end up where I need to be.
Of course, I'm scared and my future is uncertain. I want to know where the next stage of my life is going to take me. I hate living in uncertainty. Maybe I really am an in-denial control freak. There are times when it is difficult to not resist things.
But I keep going...

Sages and Sinners

"You all know the saying which is very true: What you resist persists. And I'm sure many of you have already found that out in your life. And then suddenly when you let go of resistance you let go of an attachment to something: I need this to happen in order to be happy; I don't want what is, I want something else. To be okay with what is, which is the simplicity of this moment, is the beginning of true change." -- Eckhart Tolle

The chasm continues to stretch out before me with no end in sight. I started trying to put him out of my mind, forcefully, commanding myself not to think about him. Just a few hours into this rather frustrating endeavor, I meet with a kindly, well rounded, and intelligent old man who, without knowing what was going on in my life, reads the above quote. It was one of those moments where it feels like there just might be a greater design to life; we often don't get to see that design but when we do everything suddenly feels perfectly balanced.
Does this knowledge all of a sudden make the pain stop? No. Does it give me a tool to deal with it? Absolutely! Will it take a while for me to learn this technique of letting go and standing still for a little while to learn to rebalance myself and eventually get over the heartbreak? Certainly. He's still out there and I do have to see him on a fairly regular basis; but this isn't the end of my journey.

Opposites attract by ~stella-marina

Digital Art / Photomanipulation / Emotional

©2009-2012 ~stella-marina

http://stella-marina.deviantart.com/art/Opposites-attract-143662636

The Chasm

Before me stood a great chasm. As I contemplated how to cross it, a witch appeared right before my eyes and handed me a potion.
"Drink this and you'll get across."
Seeing no reason not to distrust the witch, I uncorked it and drank. I felt a sharp pain, first in my head, then down my body. I imagined this is what a dry, parched earth must feel when it starts to crack. Then I feel myself being lifted high above the ground and across.
When my vision finally clears and all the pain is gone I look down and see one half of me on one side of the chasm- this side is very successful. I'm talking to people and designing. I could sense that this side was very happy with the way Life had worked itself out so wonderfully in my favor. The skies were clear here.
But on the other side, I saw something very different. This other side of the chasm had dark clouds looming overhead. The fog was so think I could hardly find where my other half was. Finally, I spotted it standing in the center of a group of men. Again, I was laughing and talking to them, but there was something not happy.
I finally stop and take a look at myself and my surroundings. I'm standing on a street corner, close to a lamppost, with a trenchcoat on- very 1940's film noir stuff. All that was missing was the swirling fog, cigarette and pulled down fedora. Who was I waiting for? Then from the light side of the chasm, building a bridge with every step he took, approached a man. He stopped in front of me, and I noticed that he was leading the successful side of me by the hand and then beckoned the other half to him. As my two sides watched on, I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. He brought me success, yet brought my downfall. I started developing romantic feelings towards him; he only wanted me for his entertainment. He was tearing me in two; in my professional life, I have to keep calm and do what I have to do. As soon as I get home, I break down and have no desire to do anything.
When I finally pull back from the kiss, I push him aside and run across the bridge. I don't know where that bridge will lead me, but I know that I have to get away from him. He has too much of me already, I need to escape with whatever I can salvage. Including what's left of my heart.

Stars and the Moon

My senior year of high school one of my friends sang a song called "Stars and the Moon". A couple of years later I found that song on youtube as sung by a very talented young lady whom I have had the pleasure of working with. Now for the past couple years I've been listening to this song every once in a while when the mood struck me and I've always wondered about the last line about her never being able to have the moon. I always interpreted it as the singer being bored with the conventional, albeit very comfortable, life she had chosen. She had rejected more seemingly transient and adventurous relationships because she wanted a glamorous life. Then when she finally got that glamorous life, she realized that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
I finally understand it. It's not about the money. It's about the actual relationship. She doesn't want the moon as a monetary possession, but rather as an impossible goal that keeps you striving and growing. The other two men in the song promise her hope, fidelity, and future that involves both personal and interpersonal growth. They are offering the chance to explore both the world and herself and she thinks she just wants a life that was predictable and stable.
I've been in the stable relationship thinking it would do me good to have someone whom I could always rely on. And it did do me good, don't get me wrong, but the relationship began to grow stagnant. I can't pinpoint when it started happening nor can I tell you why it happened because we both tried to keep things fresh and exciting. I know that I'll sound very cold for saying this, but it's true, I outgrew him just like one outgrows clothes or books, or TV shows, or really anything for that matter. It doesn't reflect on how he treated me or his personality. It was time.
I do understand that he's upset and is very bitter right now, as he has every right to be, but I do hope in time he realizes that there was nothing he could do. He did his very best. We had some great times and I will always cherish those times. I hope he understands that someday...

In other words...

Because of you I'm acting a fool,
a fool I thought I no longer was,
a fool I thought had died because I was...
older.

Because of you I want to listen to
old romantic songs by Sinatra,
and Armstrong's
"What a Wonderful World".
I want to listen to slow, sentimental songs
not because I'm sad but because I know I'm...
dreaming.

Because of you I'm writing this blog --
far more poetic than my recent posts.
I was actually thinking of what to say
but I know I can't because...

In other words...
You'll never know.
You can't know.
The other night never happened.
It doesn't count.

In other words...
I'm confused.
Time is running out.
What do I want?

In other words...
Double life
Lies
Heartbreak
I won't
I can't
................................................................
"Fill my heart with song"