Unemployment

For a month now, I've been unemployed. (Between you and me, thank god.) The job that practically consumed my life also brought out a dark side of me; not the dark side that I displayed in high school when I went through the (seemingly) obligatory depression of Junior Year. No, this dark side was much scarier because I had thoughts I had previously believed belonged to psychopaths. I don't want to post the details of those thoughts on here because I don't want anyone in the NSA or other government organizations to get the wrong idea, (Hey guys, happy reading!) I will say this however, I now believe everyone is capable of unspeakable horrors if pushed to the individual's breaking point. Everyone has one. And if pushed beyond that breaking point, it is only the individual's willpower and decisions that prevent or allow them to commit those unspeakable horrors. Yes, sometimes a person is put into a bad place surrounded by people who are indeed out to hurt others and getting out of said situation is difficult, however a person still has the ability to choose their actions. Let me tell you though, it's not easy to simply smile and let it slide off you. Sometimes people act out because of oppression and frustration. Imagine the frustration you feel after someone cuts you off. Now make that a constant in your life. Every minute of the day for 8+ hours. Never being good enough because no matter what you do, someone finds fault with your decisions and instead of being told how to complete a task you are told to "be proactive" and ask. But when you do ask, you are brushed aside. Add to that, the person you thought was your friend betrays you, talks shit about you behind your back, and when you tell her "Hey, I'm having issues with your promotion. I feel like I can't talk to you anymore" she just brushes you off with "Yeah they told me in my management classes that some people would have issues." Not offering any real solutions, any thoughts of her own, not even caring about someone's feelings enough to discuss it. Fuck her, right? Easy to say, not so easy to dismiss the hurt. The worst part is, I told her about the job and encouraged her to apply. That came back to bite me in the ass. Fuck me.
Even now, I'm still angry. I'm still hurt. I spend most of my days looking for jobs and applying. I know something will turn up eventually; I'm not worried about that. My biggest concern is to find a  job where I won't dread coming in to work every day, or dreaming of calling in. I love costuming, I love working long hours, and I love being part of a group that makes magic happen. I wouldn't even mind lower pay if the people around me and the job itself were enjoyable. But a shitty work environment can quickly make you feel like you're not getting paid enough. $8.40/hour is not enough compensation to deal with a she-devil boss, not enough to get thrown under the bus by the she-devil, not enough to pick up the slack of the she-devil, certainly NOT enough to have yourself and your co-workers constantly made to feel as if their work is not good enough, that their help is not wanted or needed.
I can't go back to a hostile work environment. I want to find a job that values me, my contributions, lets me grow,  gives me responsibilities, and encourages a development of camaraderie. I want encouragement when something is done well and guidance when it is not, not to be berated or condescended. I want just compensation for my time. It sucks to work overtime and not getting paid extra, especially when you could fuck everyone over and say "No, I'm not staying for another shift because someone called in." I know I could have left. I know I probably should have quit. But I felt a sense of duty and responsibility. I couldn't just walk out. Besides, I moved half way across the country for this very job. This was the beginning of my career. This wasn't just some job for me; it was my life. Maybe I cared too much....hell I probably cared too much for eight fucking forty an hour. With a college degree!
What the hell am I thinking? Mom, if this isn't passion for costuming, I don't know what is. To endure all of this because I love my job and still want to do it after all this. Fuck. This is fucking passion. I want to find a job that fuels my passion without tearing me down.

Oh and here's the very nice, very just ending to the story. The bitch she-devil got fired. Before I got laid off so I got to see karma in action. It took a lot of restraint on my part not to keep from jumping out of my chair yelling "WOOOOHOOOO!" I beat her.    

What is Art?

This question was first posed to me my senior year of high school in a class called "Theory of Knowledge". Surely, I'd heard that question before, but it was at that time that I was encouraged to really think about it.
I'm currently majoring in English and theatre and have worked in a number of productions and been an audience member since I was a child. I took a class in art history my spring semester of my freshman year of college as well. My mom has taken me to some of the most prominent art museums in New York and Washington D.C., I danced ballet for 13 years, I also took salsa, swing, hip-hop, and tap. I took piano lessons for 8 years. In short, I fancy myself 'cultured' and 'well-rounded' and a huge supporter of the arts.
It occurred to me today as I was in tech rehearsals for "The Madwoman of Challiot" what art is. Now, please note that this is my personal definition but discussion is welcomed wholeheartedly.
"Art is inspiration seized, molded, and presented in some tangible way."
Everybody has those flashes of ideas. That's inspiration. However, not everyone can recognize the potential of that idea, or they don't know how to express it, they don't have the time to develop it, or they don't have the motivation, etc. Now the person who does recognize the potential of the idea (let's call him/her 'the artist') and knows how to express it in some medium (paint, sculpture, writing, music, dance, theatre etc) has to be able to hold onto this flash and mold it to get at the essence of the idea. Imagine a movie that is trying to portray some theme but gets bogged down because of bad execution in whatever aspect. In much the same way, the artist has to make his art leave out all the unnecessary details, all the fluff that gets in the way of showing the idea. Writers spend countless hours laboring over just the right word.
Art has to be shared. It cannot be locked up and hidden from the world. For me, the wonderful thing about art is that anybody can experience it and have some kind of emotional reaction. It's such a communal and humanistic aspect of our lives. Indeed, I believe the production of art in any way, shape, or form is what separates us from all the other animal species in the world. It was Jules Verne who thought of air travel, submarines, and space travel before the technology had been invented. Artist dream of things for the human race to achieve- be it peace, submarines, equality, or a new perspective. There really is no limit to what the human mind can dream.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. I wish I had a picture to post along with this blog. If I find something, I'll post it. Please comment below and let me know your opinions.

Inception- My Reaction

Before my 3 week vacation, I heard the DJs on the Paul and Young Ron show discussing the movie "Inception". One of them said that he didn't get it, but he liked it. They also were discussing how it's one of those movies that you have to see a couple of times to "get it". Honestly, I really had no desire to see the movie- I'm just not a sci-fi girl. But when my friends asked me to go see it- we are all former IB students, mind you- I agreed.
Sitting in the movie theater, munching on my free small popcorn I said to myself
"Pay attention to every little detail because that's where the answers lie." The first 20 minutes or so did jump around a lot, but I accepted it and stored as much information as I could. The rest was fairly simple to understand. The scriptwriters did a lovely job of explaining 'inception' and 'extraction' and how the dream-world works through DiCaprio's character. He has a number of monologues that give the audience the necessary information they will need to understand the whole movie. Without giving away too much of the movie, I will say this- "Inception" is one of those movies that if you don't pay attention to the dialogue and the exposition you will be lost. After that, it's a matter of keeping track of all the layers of the dream and following Cobb's (DiCaprio's character) past as it haunts him and continually pops up.
Us three IB students at one point looked at each other and the same thought went through our heads. "Damn! Why didn't this movie come out when we were doing our TOK journals?" TOK is a branch of philosophy known as epistemology or the study of how we know things. I swear we took a class in high school that questioned how we know what we know. This is one of the many themes present; what is real and what isn't real. It goes even further by making us question what reality is. Is it possible to have multiple realities? The movie is very philosophical-but there is more to it than that. It was a great action film. It wasn't over-the-top ridiculous if you accepted the world the director has created. There were times of action and times of rest when the characters went about their daily lives. Although CG was used, it didn't stink of it. The limbo dream world of Cobb was very artistic. I felt like I had stepped into a Dali painting.
Another element to the movie dips into the realm of philosophy but has some very practical aspects. Think of inception as subliminal messages. You know the theory- imperceptible messages flashed over and over again supposedly make you think of the message as if it were your own idea. "Inception" goes further than that and takes it from a simple advertising scheme to life-changing decisions in a person's life. Planting ideas in someone's head so deeply that they believe they came up with the idea on their own and they are not conscious of how the idea came to be. Imagine what kind of world we would live in if corporations, the military, hell even individuals had that kind of power...scary.
Anyways, a 'real life' inception is discussed in Weaponized Culture. The post is entitled "Inception and the Fantasies of ‘Top Secret America'" . No worries, the author of this blog actually has qualifications, unlike me.
The movie ends ambiguously. Personally, I thought that made the movie stronger and opens up the field for philosophical discussions with your friends afterwards. Can we ever really know?
As a side note, Leonardo DiCaprio has come out with two movies in one year that were fantastic and had me glued to my seat. This other really good movie was "Shutter Island". Secondly, does anyone know if 'Inception' is supposed to be a franchise or not? I thought I heard that it was intended that way, that it might be, but I don't know. I don't think there needs to be a sequel, prequel, or anything. This is a stand-alone flick that comes back to where it started. All the questions that needed to be answered were answered. If they weren't, that was Nolan's choice and added to the movie's theme.

Give love to get love?

Is it better to love fully and deeply despite the possibility of getting hurt or is it better to guard feelings jealously and only give love away in small fractions but never give it all? I should clarify and state that when I say 'love' I mean it in the most general sense; love for a friend, a family member, another human being even. I don't mean the weak-kneed, heart pounding, butterfly kind of love, but rather a desire to forge a connection with someone. A few experiences have demonstrated to me that it might be wiser to refrain from opening my heart and giving love to get love in return. True, it is foolish to hope for reciprocated sentiments but should it be actively discouraged? Should we deliberately be more suspicious of people and only be courtious to those around us and offer some of our emotions and love to a very select group of people? This would certainly give more value to love acquired from a person of that philosophy. As the old saying goes 'easy come easy go' therefore by extension, whatever comes with difficulty must be worth more.
Perhaps it is fear that keeps most people from ever being able to open themselves up for the kind of love that is so trusting of the basic good in the vast majority of people. A love of man springs from the belief that most people are basically well-intentioned and not out to harm those around themselves. I know that if I had to go back to those points in my life where it might have been wiser to refrain from being so open and loving I wouldn't change anything. I would still open my heart to people because I always think of the archetypal Wise Man. So full of love and compassion and trust; so child-like and innocent, never being jaded by the bad in the world. I know I won't always get the love and connection that I try to make, but at least I made the effort and maybe, just maybe, that person will remember me for it. I think the Beatles said it best "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make". Or think the ending scene in the movie Bugsy Malone; the last chorus was used in a Grand Theft Auto-style Coca-Cola commercial that premeired in the 2007 Super Bowl
"You give a little love
And it all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da)"