On Bullying

As of late schools have been taking tougher measures against bullying because of the recent increased in bullying related suicides. While the suicides are terrible losses of young lives and heartbreaking to their families it doesn't have to be this way.

Bullying will always happen. No matter what kind of measures are taken, they will not solve the problem. Well meaning parents and teachers are only in fact doing more harm than good. The human soul is a lot more resilient than we admit or realize. By not teaching kids how to effectively deal with bullying, they are missing out on important life lessons.

1. How to be assertive


2. How to resolve problems with different people


3. How to let things go


4. How to forgive


5. How to not let things hurt you


6. Judgement of character


7. Being the bigger person


8. How to help others


9. Standing up and defending what they believe to be right

I was bullied from 4th grade through 8th grade. Even in high school I wasn't the most popular person. By that point, I didn't care anymore because I had grown some thicker skin and had learned to just ignore them and go about my business. Yes, there were many times when I'd cry about how mean people were to me when I was in middle school. But I survived. I didn't kill myself, I didn't do drugs or cut myself because I was bullied. Let's face it, school is not only for learning reading, writing, and arithmetic but it's also where kids learn how to function in society. This is not to put the responsibility solely on the teachers and schools. This is where PARENTING comes in. It is the parents' responsibility to teach their kids their ideas of right and wrong. But as the proverb goes "practice makes perfect" and school is for kids to implement these morals, practice them, be exposed to others' morals, and mold their own ideas as to what is right and wrong. Yes, fights happen, people don't get along. What is war but large scale bullying? That's why there is diplomacy in politics. We are disservicing our kids by not teaching them how to be diplomatic and how to solve problems amongst their peers at an early age. Only then will the bullying problem be attacked at the root as opposed to the branches.

If you are being bullied- Talk to your parents, a trusted teacher, or the school counselor. Tell them about the problem and ask for ways to solve it and try solving it yourself. If that fails then it's ok to ask for help.

If you know of someone being bullied- DO NOT STAY QUIET!!! Violence usually escalates and if caught early tragedies can be avoided. Be observant and if you notice anything please say something to a teacher, a parent, or the school counselor. You could wind up saving someone's life.

If you are the bully- Ask yourself "Why does this person make me angry?" If you are having issues at home, or with friends, talk to someone about them. You're hurting too and you need help too but that doesn't give you any kind of right to hurt someone.

I am beginning to discover a side of me that I knew was hiding somewhere. It is beautiful, unique, and plays by its own rules. I am indeed talking about my wonderful curly hair. It's taken me 21 years to come to grips with my hair, learn to love it, but most importantly how to take care of it. All this time, I'd been treating it like straight hair- something that is quite common among us curly girls. I have had my hair soaked then cut and razored to 'thin it out'. It's only in the past couple of weeks that I've learned you are in fact supposed to cut curly hair DRY! The past year has also seen me telling the hairdresser, almost pleading with her, not to run that razor through my hair. Only specially trained people know how to cut our hair and they can be a little hard to find. I finally found the stylist who can understand and knows how to handle my hair the way it should be handled. It took a lot of internet searches that lead me to other discoveries about my hair. It was finally at a club where I got the name of a hairstylist and I am very happy with the results. I'm also going cold turkey on the shampoo. That's right no shampoo. I've learned that shampoo is basically detergent- like the kind you use to wash your dishes. That explains why my hair is so dry. My next task is to find a sulfate-free shampoo. I think my best option is the Burt's Bees brand. If anyone has used this shampoo, please let me know what the ingrediants are.
Today I put olive oil and vanilla on the tips of my hair and they do feel softer, I massaged aloe vera into my scalp and washed all that out with baking soda and water. I put my shea butter in my hair and for the first time in a long time, the front of my hair curled! For so long it had been dry and shapeless, like it was trying to go straight, but I finally got it to curl around and live again.
So I have written something akin to the Finding Nemo sharks promise to be vegetarian.
I am a recovering Curly. I will no longer subject my hair to abuse. I will love it, nurture it, and treat it the way it needs to be treated for it to always look fabulous. It reflects me and my curly crazy personality. Love it or hate it, but please don't touch it.
If anybody needs help or advice on how to manage curly hair or just wants to talk about your tips and tricks, your horror stories, or maybe you are a recovered Curly, please feel free to message me. I can tell you right now that my bible is called "Curly Girl" by Lorraine Massey. I'm not just saying this because I'm sponsored- I'm not. I'm saying this because this is how I truly feel and I want to help other girls, and guys, in a world that is dominated by the straight mentality.

P.S. I promise my blog will not turn into a hair blog. I will still post my writings, opinions, etc.

Our Song part 2

For a couple of weeks I've been compliling a list of songs for Sam. I wanted to reflect on where our relationship has gone and where it's headed as we approach a milestone I have never hit- the one year. I believe a little more each day that we can actually make it.

Going My Way- Bing Crosby For a while there, Sam and I took to watching TCM and one night they were playing a movie called "Going My Way" starring Bing Crosby. It was about a pastor who took over a church and convinced all the young boys who would stir up trouble in the neighborhood to form a choir for the church and behave. It was a sweet little movie and it was more of a showcase for Crosby because he would sing every 20 minutes but the song is quite beautiful and Crosby really does have a nice, well supported, bottomed voice. This song is an optimistic ballad and the perfect soundtrack for cuddling up and watching a movie in the arms of someone you love.

Touch My Body- Mariah Carey Ok so Sam as a general rule hates mainstream pop music but he does admit that she has lots of talent. This one is pretty self explanetory. If you don't get it, you haven't experienced it, so don't worry, you will. ;)


As Time Goes By- Dooley Wilson This song is from one of my all-time favorite movies "Casablanca". This is another movie that we've watched together and both enjoyed. It's such a romantic song with a beautiful piano melody and Dooley's voice complements this song perfectly. No one sings it quite like he does.

Angel of Mine- Amanda Somerville You have saved me I must confess it's you that always gives me strength and I don't know where I'd be without you. It's a beautiful song with no obvious fancy special effects. Just her, a piano, and a background chorus that's probably her voice recorded and played over. Either way, the words are really about us.

Here Comes The Sun- The Beatles Metaphorically the sun has finally risen for me. I feel like I've started a new stage in my life; the world is calm and bright. It's been a long, cold, lonely couple of years when I had to deal with a lot of issues but I'm finally learning to let things go and that I don't have to carry my past around my neck like an albatross because I am my own person and I don't have to re-live someone else's past, or my own for that matter.

Good Enough

Soundtrack- Good Enough by Evanescence
This time last year, I was writing about losing the love of my life. I wondered if I'd ever be able to find someone, forgive myself for the horrible mistakes I'd made and allow myself to be happy again.
I was able to find someone, but that didn't mean that I allowed myself to be happy or that I'd forgiven myself.
I talked to John* a few times since we broke up and the last time we talked, he'd told me that he'd finally forgiven me and that allowed me to start forgiving myself.
But that didn't mean that I still had come to grips with the possibility that I could be happy, that I didn't have to be alone for the rest of my life to atone for my mistakes. I couldn't shake the feeling that this peace, this calm, simple and normal relationship was not permanent-- that it was only the proverbial calm before the storm and that I was going to pay dearly for these months of bliss.
I have finally accepted that I can indeed be happy. I'm finally allowing myself to be happy and I don't dread something awful happening at the start of every day. It's not a complete transformation yet, but it's getting there.